


Rewriting the Ending

by bbymandy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Baking, Cheating, Drinking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship, Heartbreak, Hospitals, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Workplace
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:15:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 26,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26637934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bbymandy/pseuds/bbymandy
Summary: Tooru Oikawa only thought of what made him happy. When he girlfriend suddenly walks out on him, he is left trying to figure out what happened. She moves on to a new city looking for a new life. Will he be able to find her? Does she want to be found?
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Reader, Ushijima Wakatoshi/Reader
Comments: 32
Kudos: 134





	1. Letting Go

His hair was soft and fluffy, the chestnut brown strands tickled the edge of her nose as her eyes slowly began to open. The weight on her chest moved slightly before burying himself deeper into her skin. If every morning was as calm as this one, then there would be more happiness in the world. Even when the nights before were spoiled in throated screams and redness flooding into her thoughts.  _ Is it really okay to go? _ But the fleeting thought passed as she stroked his head as he slumbered, clinging tighter to her body with each stroke. Tooru Oikawa was never one to settle down nor was he ever honest with his feelings. This left her in a constant state of anxiety and guilt for not doing more. He made himself her world but she knew nothing about how he really thought of everything. 

__________________________

Stirring slightly, he let out a heavy sigh before opening his eyes. The person he was clinging to was softly breathing, eyes shut. Coughing once or twice didn’t get rid of the scratch in his throat nor did the water that he chugged down. The door had a hole where his fist had slammed in, the ache on his fingers pulsating as he remembered the drunken state he allowed himself into. She had seen it. The photos of him marking other girls, the promises messaged to people far away that he couldn’t wait to finally meet them, and the neatly folded sheer lace of someone else. Nothing was truly hidden as a secret, rather as an unspoken understanding  _ I will do what I want with who I want when I want _ . It wasn’t the first time and likely won’t be the last. So why did the air feel so much heavier? She depended on him for the basic necessities, he made sure of that. Changing into a dress shirt and slacks, he set off without a word to a place only he would know.

__________________________

The walls echoed with choked sobs and slamming drawers but that would be the last time they heard from her. She rolled out her luggage, loaded it into a yellow car, and left silently. Clutching the crumbled paper in her hand, she took a step onto the platform and looked towards the sky.  _ Carry me. _ The winged craft began to roar its engines as she slipped in the white headphones hoping the unwanted memories would remain in the house she left long ago. What was a home if no one occupied it? The soft music hummed in her ears as she let each note hold onto a bit of her burden. When she opened her eyes all of it would be whisked away in the storm that was making its way into Oikawa’s mind. 

__________________________

It took several days for him to return. Bed hopping from girl to girl and one night alone with his thoughts in the office. That night he spent to himself, he decided maybe now was the time to get serious. She would surely forgive him like always and welcome him into her warm arms. When he opened the battered door, the coldness of the apartment stung his skin. It felt more and more empty as he looked around. Little things were missing but he couldn’t place exactly what. Everything was how he remembered but also not at the same time. He shakily walked into the bedroom, the setup looked normally but before he fully opened the drawer, he knew they were only half filled.  _ So that’s what it was _ . The pictures of them were no longer in their frames, her toothbrush was missing from the cup, and pounding in his heart echoed into the walls. The sound mimicked the cries that soaked in days before, but no one other than the structure could hear the melancholy symphony that penetrated in. 

__________________________

She was awakened by the passenger next to her that she had accidentally fallen asleep on. Thankfully he let her rest and did not question her puffy eyes or the tear soaked circle on his shoulder. He even helped her get her bag down from the storage above their seats. Looking him up and down, she took note of his muscular build and his dark brown locks that fell forward once he handed her her things. They walked out the bustling building together and talked along the way to the taxi waiting area. His voice was deep but smooth. Once he was able to hail one down for her, she looked at his dark brown eyes and smiled. “Thank you.” The first words she spoke in the new city were fitting for the past she was trying to run from. The next few days were spent redecorating the small studio she was able to find near her new job. Memories flashed in her head as she pulled out different things from her luggage but as she placed each item in her new home, she pushed away the thoughts of what could’ve been. A month beforehand she told him about the new job, but she was met with one-word replies as he gawked at someone else across the restaurant. That night before she left, she happened to find the box tucked under the bed. From letters to pictures to another cellphone to the light fabric; every bit of her hurt but didn’t. He was more upset about her ‘snooping in his things’ than actually hurting her. Every sign told her run; however, that box harbored the flashing lights that told her she was at the end. 

__________________________

The phone on his nightstand came to life, erratically buzzing until he finally decided to pick up. “What?” His voice was raspy and barely audible, sounding as if it would break at any moment. “Dude, where have you been?” Silence was the only response he could give. “You have to get up. I warned you (y/n) wouldn’t put up with your antics forever. This is your own fault.” He grimaced at the sound of her name. It rolled off his friend’s tongue so easily but pierced his heart with the weight of everything he had done. “Can you at least get the door? It’s cold out here.” His feet thudded on the ground as his lead body stumbled to find his way out of the bedroom. When he opened the door, his heart sank. He knew it was his friend, but part of him hoped her silhouette would be waiting for him. “Why did you come here Hajime?” The scowling man furrowed his brows even further. “You haven’t said anything since you sent that damn message.” Thinking back, Oikawa couldn’t remember what he said or when he had sent anything. “Here idiot.” A bright phone screen was shoved in his face with the words  _ She’s gone _ sprawled on the screen. The sharp tinge in his chest was back. His friend shoved his way in and placed a bag on the kitchen table. He looked around before sighing, “She even emptied the frames of you guys. Harsh.”  _ Right, we did have those photos up. How did I forget? _ He trembled at the thought of her missing from his life. “Where did she even go? WOAH DUDE. Go sit down.” Iwaizumi hobbled his former teammate to the couch. His best friend’s sobs were more than enough of an answer. In fact, he knew where she had gone. She mentioned it over dinner when the whole team had gotten back together at the couple’s apartment. But he knew that his friend should find the answer on his own. Even if the memory was buried deep in his mind. Even if he was hurt by his own selfishness. 


	2. Remembrance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was settling into her new job nicely, excited for what was to come. He was still stuck in the past on what he should have done to make her stay. Their worlds were slowly coming separate from one another. Can Oikawa remember where she had gone or would he have to accept she was out of his grasp?

Breathing in the crisp air, a small white cloud puffed out between her lips. The light blue scarf wrapped tightly around her was almost enough to feel warm, but nothing could help the gaping hole inside her. It was easy to leave; however, getting over the man she had been with for so long was not. Stepping between the glass doors of the giant building in front of her, she hoped once more for the memories to be gone with each breath she took. “Hello. My name is (y/n) (l/n) and it’s my first day here.” The clerk at the front desk was a quiet friendly blonde woman who introduced herself as Yachi Hitoka. Following the steps to receive her company badge, both girls made cheerful conversation easily.  _ New home, new job,new friend, I’ll be okay one day at a time. Just one day.  _ “We normally have lunch in this area over here. The first and second floor are for meetings with clients. Your department is on the third and human resources and the boss are on the fourth. If you need anything come find me!” With a wave, her newfound friend sent her up the elevator. The jittery feeling of anxiety and excitement rushed through her body as she thought of what would be waiting for her when the silver gateway opened.

__________________________

“Tooru~. Baby look at me, I’m over here.” A cold porcelain hand reached out, grazing his cheek directing his face towards the source. “Do you love me?” The voice sounded just like (y/n) but that wasn’t her hand. “Why did you do this again?” When he looked up, he realized there was only darkness where her face should’ve been. “Was I really nothing to you?” Forcing his eyes open, Oikawa found himself screaming  _ No _ to the nightmare. She was everything, but he couldn’t help his urges.  _ No. I definitely could have. But I chose not to. That’s my fault.  _ The aching throb in his chest came back more fervently. Glancing at the clock, he decided it was best to jog off the dream and get ready for work. Each step he took, he tried not to think of their memories together that littered the town. The high school where they met, the family market where they argued which bread was better, the bridge where she confessed, the alley where she saw him kissing another girl, the bar she had dragged him home from after hooking up with two girls in the bathroom. Maybe he wasn’t so innocent. He wondered if she thought about those times while she went about her daily life. But when he reached the front door of their home, all he could remember was her turning around from the kitchen making a warm meal with an even warmer smile greeting him. He stood there picturing the way her (h/c) locks would flutter as she spun around and the snuggly tied apron hugging her body. Looking into the apartment now was terrifying. Something so bright could be turned dark in an instant. “I want her back.”

__________________________

There were a few new hires other than herself: a tall silver haired man who seemed a bit slow at picking up the tasks and a short, overly-energetic orange headed man. “We should all go out for drinks to celebrate!” In unison with Yachi’s proposal the entire office packed everything up and headed down the street to the nearest bar. “(y/n) come sit with me.” Following the toothy grin of the blonde, she nodded mirroring the same facial expression. “The boss is already here. He’s the quiet type but he is really nice to work for! I like him a lot. As a boss. Only as a boss. That didn’t sound weird did it?” Laughing at the anxiety ridden hands waving in her face, she couldn’t help but feel happy with her new coworker. Opening the sliding entryway to the reserved room, the young woman was taken back by who she saw seated at the table already. “You are the guy from the plane!” She felt her face turn red as she remembered the handsome guy she spoke to and fell asleep on. The slight smile he gave and the smoothness of his voice confirmed it. “My name is Wakatoshi Ushijima, welcome to the company.”

__________________________

Slamming his lips against the one of the many female coworkers who flirted with him, he trailed his fingers over her thigh. He pulled a few buttons off her shirt and sucked on the soft skin that led down her chest. “Are you okay?” The question was abrupt and harsh to his ears. “Of course I am okay. This isn’t the first time we have fucked.” She gave him a puzzled look before pushing him off and repositioning her clothes. “Sweetheart, you aren’t even hard.” Looking down at himself, normally a steamy makeout session would have a bulge but why was it different now? He tried to calm down and focus on his work. Nothing led him to be productive until he went up to the other department floors. Since he started working at this company, many of the women would flock around him showering him in gifts and compliments. His main target today wasn’t a woman. The head of human resources was a pepper headed, yellow eyed, eccentric, loud mouth good for nothing or at least Oikawa thought so. “Bokuto.” An excited glance up from the computer caused dread to settle into his mind; maybe he should not have come here. “OIKAWA! What brings you here? Are the ladies all over you again and you need to hide? Haha, you love that though. Where’s (y/n)? She usually brings me up some of her famous homemade cookies when she drops off your lunch. You ought to treat her better ya know before someone like me takes her.” The man in front of him spilled out the words without taking a breath, but the mention of her name clenched his teeth. “Are you alright? You look mad. Did you guys fight again? And me, the perfect source of advice, is the only one who can help you?” Choosing not to answer, he slid his back down the door and grabbed his chestnut curls in his hands. Bokuto quickly made his way over with a box of tissues in his hand. The pair sat in silence as the tears streamed down his face leaving a salty trail behind as they dripped down. There was nothing more deafening than silencing the most boastful person he knew. Between the blows of snot and moments of tears shedding, he explained everything to the quiet man next to him. Even the worst parts he prayed she never found out about, but eventually did. Everything was confessed to his friend as he leaned on his broad shoulder. The soft up and down rub of calloused hands on his back felt almost as good as when she did it. “You. Are. An. Idiot.” The words hung in the air as yellow eyes locked with brown ones. “What?” “You know what you did wrong now. You should go apologize to her and change yourself. This should be an eyeopener for you.” Of course he already knew that, but having this guy say it stung more than expected. “I don’t even know where she is.” Taking a moment to think, the night of one of their few dinner dates came to mind.  _ Where did she say she was going again? _ “She mentioned in passing she got a new job. I don’t remember where but it's enough to take a plane. We both aren’t fond of being in the air.” The grimace on Bokuto’s face as he shivered at the thought reminded him of how she reacted that night talking about it. There was the really busty girl making eyes at him across the room but what else was happening? She said she was leaving, but where?


	3. Replacement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (y/n) has a whirlwind of a first week at her new job. Falling into an old habit, she invites her coworkers to come over for some drinks. The harsh memories of old slowly get covered by some of new. But Oikawa on the other hand is still stuck in the past.

“(y/n)~!” A grinning giant came bustling toward the young woman as she was printing copies for the upcoming meeting. “Did you mess up again Mr. Haiba?” Her sweet giggle tickled the man’s ears pink as he showed her the highlighted portions of his memos. “You-you can call me Lev. But how do I fix it?” After printing, she showed him the proper grammar and notation he should have used while he sorted the packets for her. After the celebratory dinner, she found herself easily integrating herself into her new work environment. “LEV! (Y/N)!” Although, it did get hectic amongst the other new hires. “I THOUGHT I WAS LATE!” The orange haired shortie, who had introduced himself as Shoyo Hinata, came running towards the pair faster than the taller one had earlier. “I reminded you yesterday it was pushed back. No worries.” He smiled at her kindness and thanked her before setting up the computer. “It’s our first presentation, I feel a bit nauseous.” Beckoning him to sit in one of the seats, she finished prepping everything else that needed to get done. She wasn’t anxious but she also was not confident either. It was a small project only for the Yachi the secretary and Mr. Ushijima to evaluate their skills; nonetheless, it was fear mongering. Thankfully the boss had a last minute video conference so they had an extra hour to prepare. “Ya know (y/n), you did a really good job with this. I feel like you have a knack for presenting since you did all the aesthetic stuff and typed out a script.” She awkwardly grinned at her coworker, not used to being the center of attention. “Without you and Lev, I don’t think I could have finished it by myself. You both worked so hard especially with data. I really appreciate it!” She turned around to fuss at a few more things, not noticing the pink tinge rising to the men’s cheeks from her radiant grin. “Psst! Are you guys ready?” Yachi peeked in while moving her thumb up and down to symbolize how to answer. The trio held the same hand sign as they whispered  _ Ready _ . Initially they were each a bit of a nervous wreck, but after getting into the groove, the presentation ran smoothly. Hinata’s energy balanced out Lev’s extensive data and (y/n)’s script brought everything together. “I understand I only gave you a week to prepare this, but fantastic job you three.” The boss’s words were straightforward and encouraging; however, it didn’t sink in until he left. “He isn’t much for words; although, he is absolutely right! You all did wonderful!” The blonde pulled each of them into a hug and gave them her pointers. With that finished, they were let off early to kickstart their weekends. Waving goodbye to her coworkers, (y/n) climbed into her car and headed home. The pathway back from the office wasn’t ingrained into her memory entirely but she couldn’t help but feel the urge to message Oikawa. He was the one she told any type of news to first.  _ Fight the feeling. You are doing alright without him. Today is a good day. _

__________________________

Hungover from the night before, he held his throbbing head in hands. The annoying scream from his alarm clock blared through his eardrums. He needed to get up now if he was going to make it to work on time. Bokuto had taken him out to relax but he spent the whole night knocking back drinks. With the bitter liquid attempting to fill the void in his body, he forgot what he was supposed to be trying to remember. The weekdays went by painstakingly slow and it did not help that he checked his phone every few minutes hoping she would text or call. He had typed out message after message but never chose to send them. Ignoring his tasks for the entire week caused him to cram everything at the final deadline, but he still held onto the hope her name would flash on his screen.  _ She probably blocked me or she won’t even open it. What am I doing? I doubt she even thinks of me since she left so quickly without even hearing my side. _ “You know the more you look, the less likely she will say anything.” Eyes squinted into the meanest glare he could muster, Oikawa looked up to be met with a beer can. “It’s Friday, let’s go drink. You already look like you have been though.” His best friend rarely picked him up from work but it felt good to have his support, even if he did not admit it. “I invited the guys too. Only Kyotani and Matsukawa are coming. Let’s go.” Following his friend’s orders, he gathered his stuff without a word and went to the waiting car. The ride to the bar was silent, the familiar landscape rushing behind the glass. Once they arrived, he could not hear anything, not like the others were much of talkers anyway. His mind was preoccupied with the thought of her giggling as she leaned on him, he didn’t hear his ex teammate calling. “He’s just sitting there with that dumb look on his face like he is going to cry. It’s ugly.” “Be nice Mad Dog, you would be too if your girlfriend left you too. Where did she go again? That one city with the bi-” Iwaizumi slapped a hand over each of the men’s mouths. “Don’t. Say. Another. Word.” His eyes shot daggers through the both of them, still completely ignored by Oikawa. Changing the subject to their volleyball days brought his attention back somewhat. With a few more drinks, he could feel his headache slowly disappearing with each sip.

__________________________

She pushed open the door and sucked in the cool air sending a shiver down her spine. The previous nights she had been so exhausted from work, she passed out when she got home. Now that she was alone, what would she do with her time? Switching on the television, she curled up in her bed opting for a random movie to pass the time.  _ What did I use to do for fun? _ The thought of her cooking for Oikawa did not settle right; however, baking was much different. Especially when Bokuto would scarf down an entire batch of cookies, and three pies, and a pan of brownies, and-. The thought of how much that man could inhale caused her to laugh. Maybe she would give him a call later. Pulling out her ingredients and her overly loved apron, she decided to fill her space with the warmth of a familiar hobby. One for herself to bring back a piece of normalcy. Letting her mind wander with new creations, she had not realized she made enough for a large gathering until they were set into the oven. It was originally supposed to be only one batch of cookies, but the ideas flooded into her mind for new creations unexpectedly. Since it would take awhile to bake, she sent a message in her work group chat inviting everyone over to finish the freshly made goods. By the time they were finished, her coworkers had piled into the small studio with drinks in hand. “Sorry guys I got a bit carried away.” Her apology went unnoticed by the unmatched height pair drooling over the oven. “Don’t worry about it. My friend also bakes, I can introduce you if you would like.” She hadn’t expected her boss to actually show up but it was a comforting sight to see him in casual clothes as he had been wearing business attire on the plane and at work. “I would like that!” Loosening up from the alcohol, she gave him a wide grin choosing to break the barrier she had put up around her boss. They chatted with Yachi and the boys over the wide array of delicious snacks. The warmth from their laughter made her feel like this night was as sweet as the smell that filled the enclosure. “Oh! I forgot to take a picture! Wakatoshi and (y/n) get closer since you are in the back.” Ushijima slid his hand around her waist and brought her against his body. The redness on her cheeks surely had to be from the alcohol she thought, as Yachi handed Lev the phone to take the picture. He lingered a bit before dropping his arm when the picture was sent in the groupchat. Hinata’s face took up most of the bottom portion next with the blonde grinning widely in between him and Lev. She couldn’t help but feel embarrassed when she saw how close she was to Ushijima. There was the kitchen island separating them and the trio so the distance did not show his hand around her waist. Sharing it to her story, she chose not to overthink it since it was only for the picture anyway. A few moments later her phone rang with a video call. The familiar yell of a certain someone’s catchphrase  _ Hey, hey, hey _ brought a smile to her face. Excusing herself, she stepped out for a moment. “So you were just going to bake without me?! I saw your goods in the story. How rude! You move and forget about me!” She giggled at his overdramatic pout and assured him she had not forgotten. The door opened as Ushijima stepped out, holding up a pack of cigarettes to signal that he was not eavesdropping. “This is my boss and drinking buddy! Say hi Bokuto!” “I knew you would make new friends. I am glad to see you are happier. Also (y/n)? I won’t tell him anything, don't worry.” He hung up with a wink not giving her drunken mind a second to process. She turned to see her boss standing there with a inquisitive look on his face. “My friend is stupid. I am sorry you had to hear that.” Nodding politely, he offered a cigarette to her but she refused opting to stand next to him instead. “You must have made your boyfriend feel lonely.” If she was not red before, then she definitely was now. “He is  _ not _ my boyfriend. Actually, he is my ex’s friend but we keep in touch.” “Oh. I see. My apologies.” She assured him it was alright before heading inside insisting the alcohol was causing her to be red and overheated. He took a slow drag from the white object between his lips, smirking. 


	4. Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night drags on, bottle after bottle cities apart. One smiles happily with her friends while the other can't find a way to keep his eyes dry. Pain can only be pushed down so far.

He stumbled across the bathroom of the bar. The insistent yelling of other patrons trying to get him to come out so they could use it pounded in his head. Orange bitter bile expelled from his mouth in violent heaves. Swishing the stale water in his mouth, he dragged his body towards the door. Being able to turn the knob all the way was enough of a task in its own way. The spiked silhouette of a muscular man scooped him from his slumped position on the floor. A black abyss swallowed his sight as he let himself be carried away. When his eyes opened again, the familiar scent of his friend’s car and the outline of a blonde head brought him back to somewhat of reality. “If you throw up on my lap, I will kill you.” Glaring eyes stared down at him as he tried to register where he was. “You’re not (y/n).” An exasperated sigh blew onto his curls. “No. I am not. But  _ someone  _ wanted me to be a lap pillow then  _ cried _ when I said no.” 

__________________________

The clock flashed that the night was slowly turning to morning. Even though they had all met recently, the conversation flowed easily. The mixture of laughter and jokes helped her feel more at ease with her coworkers. Hinata recalled the stories of his highschool volleyball career which was partially a shock but also expected from his personality. Lev had dabbled in modeling before coming to the company when he was younger. Yachi nearly cried at the fact of him throwing away ‘a bottomless pit of money and love.’ Everyone laughed as she nearly strangled his head clean off mumbling about how he fumbled an amazing path for a dreary office job. This received a teasing glare from Ushijima who teased that he felt hurt by his favorite secretary. (y/n) was surprised at his playful banter, maybe the alcohol was loosening him up. Looking around at the chaos, she could not help but smile.  _ Moving here was a good idea. _

__________________________

Pouting at the unfortunate words that rang through his ears, he scoured his pockets for his phone. When he wasn’t able to find it, he grabbed for the blonde’s instead. “Don’t do anything weird.” Scoffing, he quickly punched in the familiar numbers and listened to the ring, hoping she would pick up. “Hello?” His eyes began to fill with water at the sound of her voice. “Who is this?” Instead of answering, he let the tears overflow spilling onto his cheeks and his friend’s pant leg. “Oi! Matsukawa, hand me the phone.” He didn’t put up a fight as the phone was pried from his hands, the echo of her filled his mind. “It’s Iwazumi. I’m sorry (y/n) he’s drunk and called from Mad Dog’s phone... Yeah... No, it's my fault for not watching him properly. I’m driving him back to his apartment right now... He’s doing...Well yeah you guessed it. How is it over there?... As long as you’re okay, that city is far... Take care of yourself okay? I think I hear someone calling for you in the back... Yeah, I will. Feel free to message me anytime. Matsukawa and Kyotani say hi. You’re our friend too (y/n) so don’t be a stranger... Okay... Goodnight.” 

__________________________

The night continued into the early morning with almost no end in sight. It wasn’t until Yachi began nodding off did they collectively decide to disperse. As the drunken boys tried to show each other how to put on their shoes, Ushijima pulled (y/n) to the side. “If it is alright with you, I have a favor to ask of you.” She looked a bit puzzled, but smiled warmly. He could feel his heart begin to quicken as he continued to look at her in her (e/c) eyes. “This is kind of random, sorry I don’t usually  _ not _ say something straightforwardly. I was just wondering if-” Before he could finish, the sound of a phone ringing erupted from her pocket. “My apologies Ushijima. Do you mind if I take this?” He shook his head no and whispered he could ask later. She walked to the bathroom for the call, the number on the screen didn’t look familiar. When she answered, the person on the other side sounded muffled like they were in a car. The sound of people muttering rang through her ears before Iwazumi’s familiar voice came on. “Oh that’s why I didn’t recognize the number… Is something the matter?... Okay, good. Uh, how is he?... I am assuming not too well… It is a lot better over here than you know… I am adjusting well despite that, thank you for the concern… Yeah, I had people over who were about to leave. Take care okay?... I promise I will but not yet I am too hurt still… Goodnight.”

__________________________

He couldn’t properly hear the conversation in the background over the sound of the car and his own sobs. There was another voice on the line he heard for a brief moment.  _ Who could that be? Calling her name like she belongs to him. That should be me.  _ His tears became red with rage thinking of how easily he had been replaced. A hard knock to his head and locked eyes with Matsukawa washed the anger away. It was as if he knew where his friend’s mind was beginning to wander. The punch centered his guilt realizing he didn’t really have a reason to be jealous since he had done worse things behind her back and...and they were no longer together. Sobs overtook his body once more. His friends could only sigh not knowing what to do. If anything could really be done especially after that call. Rough hands patted him gently as the darkness swallowed him whole.

__________________________

Staring at her phone after hanging up, she swallowed down the nagging sense of guilt. She clearly heard the sound of someone crying. But Oikawa never showed his feelings before.  _ Why now? _ She washed her face and hoped her friends would not be able to see her hands trembling. “You are quite popular (y/n)!” Hinata’s glowing face bounced in front of her, how he was so energetic after work and drinking was beyond anyone’s comprehension. “Yeah. Just an old friend who used to like my baking too. Guess I didn’t really say anything after moving so they were just checking on me.” It was easy to assume that Ushijima told them she stepped away for a phone call. She hoped her excuse would be an unnoticed lie and walked her guests out. Lev and Hinata climbed into a cab waiting out front yelling their farewells a little too loudly. The remaining three talked until another cab had pulled up. Waving goodbye, she turned around to hurry back inside when a hand grasped her wrist.


	5. Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Night turns into morning after a long night of drinking and emotional sways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to leave a comment on how you feel about the story so far! thank you for sticking with me through this :)

When he came to, a mass of bodies was laid out on the floor next to his bed. He tiptoed over the pile of his ex teammates, snapping a photo of Kyotani snuggled up against Matsukawa’s back. It was the first time he genuinely smiled in a long time. Making his way to the bathroom, he let out a heavy sigh. His memory was foggy but he could remember crying in the car and asking them to stay so he wouldn’t be alone. The overwhelming embarrassment of those moments flooded his mind. Hopefully if he made them breakfast, they would never speak of it again. The fridge was filled with just enough to make a decent breakfast of eggs, toast, and bacon. Reaching into the cabinet for a pan, his eyes met a white figure that made him tear up but smile. It was the egg pan she found at the convenience store when they first moved in together.  _ “Babe! Look!” Her (h/c) locks bounced as she beamed at him holding her find tightly in her grasp. “It’s a pan to make eggs, but look at the little egg on the handle!” Honestly, he thought it was stupid; however, the toothy grin she gave him brought butterflies to his stomach. “Let’s get it. It will be the first thing we buy for our home.” He planted a soft kiss on her forehead as she thanked him.  _ He pulled the pan close to his chest then kissed it just as she used to. She had told him it was her daily ritual to make sure every part of the meal she made him was full of love. A soft chuckle escaped his lips. “Full of love eh? You really were something.” He wasn’t particularly handy in the kitchen, but he was eventually able to finish making everything. The smell of freshly made food dragged out Iwaizumi first. “You look like you are in a good mood.” Oikawa turned back with a tender look on his face. “I have decided I want to win her back.” Stuffing a piece of toast in his mouth, the initial look of surprise flashed across his face. “Okay.” The air felt heavy as he continued to chew, pulling a slice of bacon onto his plate. “Okay? All you have to say is ‘Okay’? I was expecting more Iwa-chan.” Thankfully the countertop was separating the two or else the annoyed look on his face might become physical. “Stop calling me that. We aren’t in grade school anymore. Also, I am guessing that means you don’t remember what happened last night.” If feet had breaks like a car, then he would have made a terrible screeching sound as he came to a halt. “What are you talking about?” 

__________________________

Turning around puzzled, she was met with dark brown eyes desperately looking into her own. “Uh...Hitoka fell asleep in the cab and I do not know where she lives. Do you mind letting her stay here? Since I can’t tell the driver her address.” Looking around her boss’s muscular build, she could not help but laugh. Sure enough, the blonde was passed out like a child in the backseat. “Yes, I will let her stay. Do you mind carrying her in?” He gracefully picked her up, making sure to block her head from hitting the door frame. After telling the driver to wait a moment, he gently carried her back into the studio and placed her on the bed. “Thank you. If you don’t mind, can we meet another time so I can ask for that favor?” She nodded yes as she yawned. He waved goodbye and climbed into the cab. Slowly shutting the door so as to not wake up the sleeping beauty, she giggled at the strange turn of events.  _ My heart almost fluttered when he grabbed me. _ She set out spare clothes for her friend then climbed into bed next to her choosing to sleep away the feeling that was beginning to bloom in her. The next morning she was awakened by the soft chirps of the birds outside her window. Orange rays melted onto the bed illuminating the person next to her. Her clock showed it had been a few hours since everyone had left. Not getting much sleep was starting to become the normal routine for her since moving. She chalked it up to the storm of emotions in her heart as well as the new environment. After sending a quick message to the group chat and Iwaizumi hoping that everyone made it back safely, she chose to drown out her thoughts in the bath. Before stepping in, a ding came from her phone.  _ Let’s meet next weekend if you are free  _ was written on her screen. She thought to herself that Ushijima woke up too early but she wasn’t one to talk since she was up at the same time. She liked the message then sunk herself into the warm bath wondering what the favor could be about. Another ding but this time it was from Iwaizumi,  _ Had to crash with the crybaby at least he made me breakfast.  _ She laughed at the message. It fit somehow his normal demeanor that she had grown fond of over the years. Solid and straight to the point just like someone else. 

__________________________

A deep groan came up from his throat as he listened to his best friend recount everything that happened the previous night. Had he really called her? “Why didn’t Kyotani stop me then?” A hard smack came to the back of his head out of seemingly thin air. “ _ I  _ was also fucked up. Plus it was your fault. Don’t blame me if she hates your guts.” They glared at each other with such intensity, a physical spark could be formed between them. They continued to bicker back and forth about who was a bigger dumbass while Iwaizumi and Matsukawa ate silently, reminded of their old days on the court. Hiding his phone, the spiky haired man typed out a quick response before turning his phone face down on the counter. His thick browed companion threw him an inquisitive glance. He whispered she had texted him while keeping an eye on Oikawa. They both wondered if there really was anything they could do. But actions have consequences and they wouldn’t blame her for not wanting to run back to him. A sudden blare from a phone shook all four men from their conversations. “Hey, this is Oikawa...Uh huh...yeah...okay...thank you bye.” The questionable stares among his friends made him feel red in the face. In all honesty, he thought for a split second it would be her, but rather it was the masculine voice of the head of human resources was on the other side. “I have to go on a business trip with Bokuto next month to discuss a merger. X city doesn’t have a lot of attractions though so this is going to suck.” He threw his body dramatically over the couch not noticing the fidgets of the others. “Is that the city with the big aquarium? You can go there.” Kyotani’s words sliced through the heavy air. A soft smile peered onto Oikawa’s lips as he stared up at the ceiling. “Yeah I guess. Maybe I will bump into (y/n), she loved going there but I only went with her once.” His voice trailed off as he sat up. Iwaizumi shot Matsukawa a look, signaling him not to say anything. “It’s not like you and Bokuto are going on a lovers getaway. You’re supposed to be working.” A pillow flew across the room. Soft brown eyes met dark brooding ones, and an all out wrestling match plummeted to the living room floor. Shaking their heads, the two nonparticipants finished their meals while watching the idiots fight.


	6. Tainted Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like their emotions, a storm rips through their lives. The future was starting to look brighter, but darkness from the past makes itself known.

Time flowed slowly, night into morning incessantly. Before she had noticed, a few weeks had gone by since her move. Heavy rain poured onto the concrete and banged against the glass of innocent windows. The power had been ripped from her workplace more than several times. After the fifth frustrated groan from Lev, she silently made her way up the stairs to ask about what they should do. A mysterious man, dressed fairly well other than an overly massive jacket, was already standing in front of her boss’s desk. He must have been there to ask the same question because when Ushijima’s eyes met her own, he placed his hands in his face, muttering a small  _ Okay _ . She sighed thinking about it; not only had their plans been cancelled but the client was not happy having a delay. Everyone had committed themselves to overtime the following week trying to catch up and finish what they could. She wondered who the person was every now and again, but Hinata’s troubles with the system were more than enough distraction. Somehow he managed to download a bunch of viruses, then during recovery she caught that he had put the wrong dates on the files. It took them three days with Lev’s help included to fix everything. Thankfully he bought them dinner each night as an apology. She laughed thinking about it. The routine of telling him about funny things about her day would occasionally come to mind like that time. But the dull ache in her chest was a tainted reminder of why she should push it as far to the back of her mind as she could. 

__________________________

The rain pattered on his window. Working from home was the best decision he could come up with to stay away from work. The constant bombardment from his coworkers pushing themselves into his business was too much to handle. He didn’t like the attention as much as he previously had, his guilt ridden conscience wouldn’t allow him. In between the video conferences and menial tasks, he began to sort out the drawers that had gone long untouched. She left behind small pieces of herself in everything. At least he thought so. He held up the sweater she used to borrow from him all the time back in high school and smelled it. Her scent had faded, bringing a tear to his eye.  _ She really is disappearing. _ There were a multitude of different objects that brought back bittersweet memories he should have cherished more. At the bottom of their shared storage was a thin white rectangle staring up at him. It looked familiar but he couldn’t quite place where he had seen it before. Curiously, he flipped it over to reveal a smiling picture of the couple together. It was an old photo from one of their first dates around the holidays. Arms were wrapped around each other in a warm embrace and a pink hue kissed the tops of their noses and cheeks. Her (h/c) locks perfectly framed her face as she grinned earnestly at him. The sudden memory brought over a wave of emotion. They had been so happy but not even a few days later had he broken her trust. 

__________________________

During a midafternoon slumber, the sound of a phone rang throughout her small enclosure. The voice cleared his throat on the other side, it was silky and deep as he spoke. Her half asleep mind could barely comprehend what was occurring until he mentioned the plane ticket. “Wait. What’s happening? I’m sorry, I am waking up from a nap.” His laugh was just as enticing as his voice. “My friend is opening a dessert cafe tomorrow, would you like to go? It is in your hometown. I want to cash in that favor if you don’t mind. I know it is short notice but that’s how he is.” In the spur of the moment she agreed but after a million questions ran through her head.  _ What time? How many days? Should I bring anything? _ A small vibration nestled into her hand. Ushijima typed out his answers to her unspoken thoughts. If it was anyone else, she might have found it off putting. “Guess I should pack, maybe I will text Iwaizumi to meet up too.” Diligently, she chose several outfits for the mini trip. The thought of going back there was a bit nerve wracking. If she ran into Oikawa, what would she say? Apologizing for leaving suddenly would be a waste since she did mention it. Leaning her head against the dresser, she couldn’t help but think about if things had been different. She knew about the cheating, and forgave him all the times she knew about, but those momentos he kept ripped her soul in half. Sobbing into her hands the flashback of their fight ran through her mind.  _ Did the owner of the lace panties do it with him in their bed? The letters had been going on for a long time even though he promised he would stop. Was everything a lie? From the start? _ Her uncontrollable tears plummeted to the floor. Was it really okay to go back so soon?

__________________________

_ The day after their date, Oikawa had gotten invited to go out with the team. She was spending time with her parents so he had happily agreed. The boys had finally decided on a family restaurant after the arcade and karaoke. He thought it would be more enjoyable with her and began to plan on their destination spots for their next date. When they sat down, a group of girls from a neighboring private school caught most of the team’s eye. The girls invited themselves to sit with them and before he knew it, one of them was leaning against him. Iwaizumi glared at his best friend, warning him not to get too close. Perhaps he should have listened then. “(y/n) does not mind if I am being nice. I have fans all over the place!” His laughter was met with rolling eyes and giggles from the girl. In all honesty, he couldn’t remember her face even when he tried to. The night continued with them trailing along. Along that same street from their date prior, she pulled him away from the group. It was crowded now, no one noticed their sudden disappearance. She pulled him towards a dark alley and planted a kiss on his lips. It wasn’t that he was openly inviting her to continue but it was an exhilarating feeling. There was no way she would find out since they separated from everyone. He leaned down and brought her into a more feverish kiss. “What about your girlfriend, (y/n)?” The girl emphasized her sarcasm knowing they already crossed the line. “She won’t find out.” Glancing sideways at the passing crowd, he could feel his heart sink. Her silhouette stood there trembling. She was holding hands with her mom who asked why she suddenly stopped. “It’s nothing.”  _ When he thought about that time now, he could still hear the cold harshness in her tone. He quickly apologized and explained the girl made the first move. Thankfully she forgave him, but part of him wished she reacted  _ more _ . She was known for being one of the kindest people in school. Was getting upset really that hard?


	7. Crossing Paths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She finds herself finding comfort in Ushijima as they set off on their trip back to her hometown. He happens to see them together as he is on his own journey with Bokuto.

The next morning, her eyes were puffy and red. Panicking, she diligently put on concealer and foundation hoping that Ushijima wouldn’t say anything when he arrived. A luxurious, silver car pulled to the front of her home. She sighed hoping she would be able to hold everything together. When she opened the front door, a familiar muscular build with his hand raised to knock stood before her. “Sorry, I guess you saw me already.” She smiled at him with reassurance that it was fine. He took her bag to the car and opened the passenger door for her to climb in. “This almost reminds me of our first meeting. Actually, your eyes look like you have been crying again. What happened? If you want to talk about it.” The scenery outside the glass moved swiftly by.  _ Should I tell him about Oikawa? Would there even be a point? _ Leaving one hand on the steering wheel, he reached over and rubbed her knuckles that fumbled nervously in her lap. It helped that his eyes were locked on the road before them; otherwise, she didn’t know if she could start. Slowly, she revealed everything that had happened in her previous relationship. His silence was deafening but each sentence carried the weight off her shoulders that she had been holding for so long. By the time she had finished, they had arrived at a nearby parking lot to the airport. He grabbed her hand, bringing it to his lips. “I’m sorry. You have every right to feel the way you do and leave like that. Hopefully this trip will bring better memories for you.” The water that had pooled at the bottom of her eyes had begun to spill over. He reached into the glove compartment and handed her a tissue, furrowing his brows at her. “You don’t have to look so worried. Thank you. Your words are ones I didn’t know I needed.” Smiling, he grabbed her hand once more gently bringing it to his lips. He stepped out, getting her door and pulling out the luggage from the trunk. As they made their way inside and through security, the heavy feeling of regret and guilt began to fade from the void in her heart. 

__________________________

He couldn’t tell what was more bothersome, the ridiculously early morning flight or Bokuto’s overly enthusiastic personality not having an off switch. Normally his teasing gestures would put the excitable man in a down turned mood, but his smile never faltered. “We can go to the aquarium and the museum, then the meeting, then there is this really fancy restaurant I want to try. Also, it’s only the HR people there.” A small vein bulged at the top of his fair skinned forehead. “Was it even  _ necessary _ for me to come then?” His question was poised through gritted teeth which his companion paid no mind to. “Not really. BUT you need something to distract you and I didn’t want to ask anyone else.” Oikawa sighed, he could not get too upset. His friend was doing it to make him feel better but a flight this early is devilish. The plane ride was thankfully peaceful. There was barely anyone else on so the men got their own rows to spread out on. When he woke up midway through, a jacket was covering his curled body. Assuming Bokuto put it on him, he pulled it to cover more of his backside. He  _ really  _ couldn’t be annoyed with him now. Looking at his phone, he figured they had another hour or so before landing. The lull of the engines’ hums brought him into a deep slumber. By the time they landed it was mid morning and his stomach growled loudly. No one is an avid fan of airport food but somehow it sounded like the best thing in the world. Choosing a chain restaurant in the main lobby, they sat down for a midmorning meal. Bokuto rambled on about the plans he had made for their short weekend stay as Oikawa watched the people pass by the table. There was a family running from one wing to the other, he guessed they accidentally went to the wrong terminal. A mom was holding her baby lovingly as she sang him a song to sleep. There was the abundance of people in business wear as well walking in every which. All in all, it was mundane until a familiar (h/c) haired woman walked by. She was too far to notice him but he knew right away. His heart swelled with mixed emotions, should he call out to her? But not even a second later did he follow her smiling gaze to another man. His dark brown hair looked casually done, his eyes were glued on her, and a warm smile graced his lips. A twisted pain grew in his chest as he watched the pair continue to walk to their terminal, not noticing anyone else around them.  _ They look so happy. _

__________________________

Once they boarded, her companion pulled out a pack of gum and put his arm up. She looked at him in confusion causing him to laugh. “Chew this to help your ears not pop and the arm is so you don’t have to lay on my shoulder. It looked uncomfortable last time.” Burning red, she gaped at him with embarrassment. She shyly took the wrapped mint flavor from his grasp and leaned onto his chest. As he spoke, she could feel his heartbeat thumping against her ear. His chest rose and fell with each breath he took. Initially she thought there was no way this trip could get anymore awkward, but before she knew it, slumber took her over. A while later she awoken to the sun’s rays hitting her face. She wanted to move her head to readjust but he slept leaning against her. _I can’t wake him. This is surprisingly comforting._ The plane slowly began to descend in a spiral over her hometown. Excitement ran through her veins as she thought about seeing old friends and meeting a new one. Ushijima had mentioned that his friend was looking forward to baking with her but she had never stepped foot in a professional kitchen so she was a bit nervous. “Ushijima. Psst. Wake up, we are about to land.” He tightened his arm around her before murmuring a quiet _No_ into her hair. The action made her blush, she never expected him to act this way. It was surprisingly cute. When the plane landed, he was finally awake. Reminiscent of the past, he got her luggage down from the compartment above. They chatted happily while walking to the pickup waiting area. A tall man with red hair caught her eye, if not for his height then it was definitely the sparkling sign he held up. _Wakatoshi_ _Ushijima_ was written in calligraphy over a glittery gold poster board. Upon closer inspection, he added tiny LED lights around the border. She couldn’t help but bend over laughing from the ordeal. Ushijima just sighed, used to his strange antics. Glancing over at her tearing up from her giggle fit, his ears turned a bright red. “Seriously Tendou?” His friend grinned widely at him nodding. “I love my Toshi. Only the best for you.” Ushijima pushed his forehead as he tried to reach out for a hug and pursed lips for a smooch. After she calmed down, they were able to introduce themselves properly. “Ah. So you caught a wild (y/n) in X city huh?” Walking past him, Ushijima rushed over to the car parked outside. “Is he on a mission to catch them all?” He halted. “YO TOSHI! YOU CAUGHT A GOOD ONE!” She laughed to herself. _This will definitely be an eventful weekend._ Ushijima slapped his friend hard on the back of his head, mumbling about embarrassing him. After promising he wouldn’t tease anymore, the trio headed off to the cafe. She smiled to herself noticing that Tendou’s fingers were crossed as he made his agreement.


	8. Crashing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa sees her with someone else and he is struck with disbelief.

Bokuto waved his hands in front of Oikawa’s face. “Dude. I have been trying to get your attention for the longest time. What are you looking at?” He kept staring off into the distance, a slow tear came down from behind the glass frames. Golden eyes looked between the hoards of people until he caught what was captivating his coworker. The tall, straight faced man gently placed his hand on her head, giving it a small pat before smiling. Whatever the conversation was, she looked gleefully at him with a radiant smile. “Hey, let’s go.” He wiped his hands on his pants, hoping the sweat from clenching them so hard would rub off. Bokuto nodded and slid over an unused napkin. Salt trailed down his cheeks, hitting the back of his veiny hands as they grasped at the bunched fabric. _Why now?_ His companion got up to notify the waitress to change the order to to-go while he sat there trying to calm himself. Despairingly, he looked back for her again but she was already gone. Their food arrived not long after, but somehow the hunger in his stomach was no longer there. They made their way through the gathering crowd, looking for a cab when a sign caught their eye. _Bokuto and Oikawa_ were typed out in bolded letters on a white sign held by a shorter, anxious looking man. His golden eyes darted back and forth before a looming shadow was cast over him. “We are Bokuto and Oikawa!” The peppered haired man grinned down, his bold chest stuck out without pride. “Um, hello. Follow me this way.” The entire walk to the car and the drive to the hotel, Bokuto rambled about how he wasn’t expecting a personal driver. His expressions become more apparent when they pulled up to the extravagant place where they would be staying. “I am actually not your driver. My name is Kozume Kenma from the HR department. I was told to show you hospitality.” Oikawa couldn’t help but snicker at his colleague’s frantic apologies. Bokuto rubbed his back genuinely while continuing the conversation with Kenma. When they departed and headed for the room, he was pulled into a tight unsuspecting hug. “It’s okay. That was the first time I have seen you smile in awhile.” _I most definitely have smiled at work, I have been forcing it._ But of course, he couldn’t say that directly and chose to embrace him back. The comfort from a close friend was needed but it also made him wonder who she went to at times like this. When he upset her, did she have anyone? He knew he made himself her world and she didn’t mention anyone else beforehand. The thought of her made his head feel heavy with regret and guilt. He glanced around the room, certainly a hotel is different from an actual apartment but he could not help but wonder. _Is this the city she moved to? Or did they have a layover at that airport?_ He tried to focus on unpacking; however, the thoughts of her constantly ran through his mind. The kitchen was small, similar to the one they shared together. Bokuto’s humming was nowhere near as good as her singing was, especially when it bounced off the bathroom walls. He went to slide the luggage under the bed after emptying it when he heard the sound of something sliding inside. Curiously, he rummaged through the pockets having thought he took everything out. On the inside lining was a small zipper he never noticed before. Unzipping it, he found a small box with a folded note. _Hello my love, By the time you read this, I hope you have landed safely. Inside the box is a charm for safe travels. You mean the world to me and I hope I can see you back home soon. Feel free to throw this away once you find it. I love you so much honey. You are the light of my world._ _Love, (y/n) PS please bring back some baking recipes for me to collect!_ The bottom portion folded his memory of the first long trip he took away from her. It was a week overseas in Paris. She had begged him to buy her a book as a souvenir but he had forgotten by the time he landed. The entire week was spent working and entertaining the ladies he had met, that by the time he was returning home it was too late. He told her he had forgotten between the exhausting meetings, which she bought into, but only now did he really understand the sorrowful look on her face. It was her one main hobby and the only thing she asked for, how could he forget? He laughed and tucked the items back into their place without opening the box. Bokuto offered for him to use the shower next after the long day of traveling. He nodded and made his way over. The glass was floor to ceiling separating the bathroom in half. As the hot water beat down on his back, he tried to steady his breathing. His chest rose and fell, taking lengthy pauses between each breath. The steam filled up the spacious area quickly, the tile he leaned against to hold himself up was getting warmer each second. Her face filled his thoughts as he began to slide down the soaked wall. He brought his hands up to his face, they shook feverishly as he felt his mind slip into the warmth that surrounded him. The tears that streamed down her face that night mirrored the ones sliding down his own cheeks. His trembling limb raised itself to graze her cheek. The tips of his fingers rubbed against her skin. She leaned into his touch repeatedly asking why. He didn’t- he _couldn’t_ answer. Were there any right words he could have said to fix things? Her face was red, was it from the hot water or her tears? As he gazed into her (e/c) eyes, he watched as her long lashes became drenched. The wrinkles in her forehead became more prominent as she clung tightly to the hand that held her. The more he studied her every feature, the sense of her fading away became more prominent. His throat was hoarse as he tried to call out from her foggy figure. “...please (y/n). Don’t go.” His outreached hand fell to the tile floor along with the rest of his body. A small ringing tone pierced his ears before his eyelids slowly shut. The cloudy figure of someone coming in calling his name was the last thing he saw. _Thank god. She is still here. Maybe everything will be better when I wake up. Yes, when I open my eyes she will be sleeping next to me as she always has. This has been a long terrible dream. Ah, that’s right she asked me to move with her to X city. This has to be a nightmare because I didn’t go. When I wake up, I will tell her I want to stay by her side forever. Yeah. I just need to wake up._


	9. Newfound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tendou is scheming.

The familiar sight of the longful city brought back hoards of memories. She thought about the good times laughing with her friends. The unexpecting flash of his face caused a dull ache in her chest. A calloused thumb squeezed and rubbed against the top of her knee bringing her out of her headspace. Ushijima’s eyes stayed forward as he conversed next to Tendou in the passenger seat. “So, (y/n). Sorry to put you to work on your first date with Toshi but I really am looking forward to baking with you.  _ Someone  _ does not eat my goodies when I bake for him but he raved about yours.” Her face turned bright red and a startled hand found its way back to its owner. “I-I am looking forward to it.” Tendou glared teasingly into the rearview mirror and smirked at her flustered state. She looked rather cute trying to keep herself calm but he couldn’t help wondering if she caught on to his words. Fidgeting in her seat, she looked back out the window and saw a familiar scowling man on the corner of the parking lot they were pulling into. She pulled out her phone to give him a ring. “Hey. Nice jacket.” She laughed at the bewildered look he gave his phone, shaking his head side to side looking for her. As soon as he caught sight of her warm smile, he jogged over for a warm embrace. They chatted and laughed while Tendou and Ushijima got the bags out from the trunk. “Uh oh. Someone has competition.” The stoic man scoffed but kept his eye on the pair. He placed a hand around her shoulder oozing an overprotective vibe. “Oh Ushijima, this is my old friend Iwaizumi.” She smiled up at him as a sign of reassurance. Sticking out his hand for a handshake, he could not help but feel skeptical. “Don’t worry. It’s not me.” The whispered words were barely loud enough to hear as Tendou called over to them about heading inside for his opening. Ushijima tried to keep his face from looking unsurprised but his reddened ears were undeniable. “Iwa I will text you if you are free to get dinner this weekend?” He nodded, giving her a hug one last time before smirking up at the man behind her. “Say hi to the boys for me okay? I love you, be safe!” He waved as the bus pulled up while saying he loved her back. She slid her arm around Ushijima’s and started walking toward the front of the building. He pondered the meaning behind Iwaizumi’s words. The cafe was adorable, almost unfitting to the owner until she thought about the sign from the airport. Light brown wooden floors were accented with maroon curtains on tall windows. The tables were a slightly darker tint with maroon cushions with a matching table top. She made her way over to the display case and gasped at the beautiful variety of sweets before her eyes. Each one looked like it sparkled under the white lights. “She’s pretty ain’t she?” Tendou placed his hand on the cold glass and smiled gently as his creations. She nodded feverishly still in awe of how beautiful his cafe was and his desserts. “The kitchen is even better.” Coaxing her along, he brought her into his shiny, metallic paradise. Each station had freshly cleaned tables and had organized ingredients out. “We can give it a whirl once you and Toshi are done unpacking.” He led them up the stairs to his home above the cafe. He ushered them into the bedroom opposite of his before slamming the door behind them. She giggled at his amusing behavior, having gotten used to it quickly. A wrapped square slid under the door catching Ushijima’s eye who rushed over to retrieve it before she noticed. “Iwaizumi is the friend of my ex. We got close in high school and he has been like a brother to me ever since.” Her back was turned to him as she took the toiletries out of her bag, lining them up on the porcelain sink in the connected bathroom. “You looked a bit concerned.” His face turned red as he tried to think about what expression he made to make her conclude that. “I just did not want you to hurt like that again.” Walking up to the bathroom door, he leaned against the frame. “Also, I am sorry for Tendou’s...eccentric attitude.” She laughed and wrapped her arms around his figure, catching him by surprise.  _ Honestly, he keeps me in a good mood but I don’t want him to misunderstand if I say that. _ Letting him go, she began to set up a makeshift bed on the floor with the extra pillows on the original one. He grabbed her wrist and shook his head. “Y-you can sleep with me in the bed. Or I can take the couch out in the living room. You should rest properly since I invited you here anyway.” Tendou swung open the door excitedly before halting. Ushijima was still holding her wrist, the muscular man hovered over her with a pink hue kissing his cheeks, and there were pillows on the ground. He smiled as his eyes darted over the room taking in each bit to tease his friend later. “I see you are making use of my present.” Ushijima dropped her hand quickly as she questioned them about what he meant. “Oh, just join me in the kitchen when you guys are done~.” He giggled out the room and down the stairs. Ushijima mumbled about unpacking before rushing to put away his things. Just as quickly as he had put his stuff away, did he leave her standing in the room alone.  _ What just happened. He mentioned a gift and earlier he teased about a date. This dude really is one of a kind. Ushijima was nice enough to bring me here though. That’s probably all he meant by it. _ She finished unpacking and followed the trail of her predecessors. “Alright (y/n)! You and I are going to make 36 cookies of your choice and Toshi can judge.” She agreed and made her way over to the table set opposite of the red headed chef. Staring down at the ingredients she took a deep breath in then pushed it out. “Go.” Ushijima started them off in a deep low tone as he watched them flail themselves around. Normally when she baked at home, she could be as messy as she wanted but here she felt guilty about wasting anything. A sudden clash drew her attention to the other side of the room. Although he was being meticulous about his actual creation, the area surrounding it was a disaster. Flour was covering the floor, the bowls were flipped around, and beads of sweat trailed down his face. However the real masterpiece glowed in his hands as he carefully kneaded a chocolate into the center of each ball of dough in front of him. She smirked at his attention to detail, but surely she was better.


	10. In Sickness and In Health

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wakes up in the hospital unsure of how he ended up there. She enjoys her time back home. But unexpectedly, their paths may cross again.

Something warm kissed the side of his face. Soft fabric fluttered next to him, whispering the sounds of the warm atmosphere for the day. He scrunched his nose from the scent of unfamiliar cleansing products striking him. His eyes forced their way open as he clutched his chest, raising from his slumbering position. Frantically searching the room, he saw only white walls and a blue dress gown that was way too baggy for his body. “You are awake! I’ll alert the doctor.” A short woman in a snug pink uniform glanced between the screens and her clipboard. “Where am I?”  _ Well I know where I am but what am I doing here? _ “You are at X’s General Hospital. We already called your emergency contact but she won’t be here until tomorrow. The doctor will see you soon so just relax.” He nodded and laid back down. Creases formed on his forehead as he tried to remind himself of where he last was. Peppered hair and golden eyes peeked its way around the door frame. A second pair followed suit with long blonde tips. “You guys can just come in ya know.” Kenma and Bokuto shuffled in glancing around awkwardly, not sure what to do. “What happened?” Neither one wanted to look him in the eye, unsure of how he would react. Bokuto quickly explained the shower incident but bit his tongue as he trailed off. “The doctor said you are malnourished and that your emergency contact will need to check in with you at the doctor’s once a week to make sure you don’t die on the road or something.” Oikawa looked at them inquisitively. He was sure he was eating; at least when he remembered. A tall, muscular man in a starchy white lab coat knocked on the door before coming in. “Mr. Oikawa?”

__________________________

By the time they finished, there was a mess of everything everywhere. Tendou and her made eye contact before looking at each other up and down, doubling over in laughter. Both were splattered in different mixes of ingredients with white powder covering their hands and faces. Ushijima mumbled about how he was surrounded by strange people while wetting towels for them to clean up with. “You are really a wiz in the kitchen. I saw how you added those two flavors together I didn’t think they would pair well but we will see once they’re finished.” “Nice prancy moves sir. Your attention to detail was distracting but does it taste good is the biggest concern.” They continued to retort back and forth before being hit with dampened fabric. “Can you guys clean? Your customers are lining up outside.” She looked up at him with widened eyes.  _ They are here? Right now? And I look like this? _ Tendou grinned widely before dashing out the door to greet his awaiting crowd. She tugged on Ushijima’s sleeve, the thought of one of those women coming in or even him himself became overwhelming. Trembling slightly, her grip tightened as knitted brows peered down at her. “Hey, stop hiding behind the towel. What’s wrong? Talk to me.” He pulled her into a warm embrace, taking in how small she felt wrapped in his arms. Placing a hand on her cold chin, he raised her head to look at him. Large, (e/c) eyes peered into his deep brown ones, hoping he would be able to understand without having to say anything. “Don’t worry. I’m here.” He leaned down, bringing their lips towards one another. Before he was even able to graze hers, a ringtone buzzed loudly from her back pocket. Both startled and red, they took a step back from one another. While she excused herself for the call, he buried his head into his hands.  _ We were so close. _

__________________________

“You seem to be malnourished. Are you eating properly?” Fluffy locks bounced up and down before guiltily shaking side to side after a stern look from the doctor. “Eating properly is important. You need a good balance to keep yourself together. The woman I spoke to on the phone is aware she has to be with you for every appointment until stated otherwise. This is for your safety.” He didn’t really know how to respond, surely his mother was going to scold him heavily each time about how he was ‘too grown to be acting like this.’ Maybe it was for the best after all. The thought of (y/n) crossed through his mind; she always cooked for him but when she left he resorted to ramen or convenience store meals. Once the spiky black haired doctor finished his speech on the importance of health, he slid over a chart. “It’s to track your daily meals. When you are discharged just tell the receptionist when you are available for weekly visits until you’re at a spot I am comfortable with.” He nodded obediently. It’s not like the doctor was wrong but it would definitely be a hassle to go so frequently. If he left work early enough on Friday’s then maybe it wouldn’t be a problem. It also depended on his mom’s schedule too. He groaned thinking about her nagging at him. “Haha, don’t stress yourself out yet. Dr. Kuroo will take care of you.” The man stood up, shook his hand, then left. Bokuto and Kenma stood to the side, fidgeting their hands. “Do you like it here? Maybe you could stay.” Bokuto’s question was rather odd. “Why do you guys look like that? Also, I’m transferring my records over to the medical center back home. It’s not like I can stay here. I have work.” They looked at each other and shrugged. Kenma had been filled in on the situation of Oikawa’s health and the reason behind it but his words seemed to be lost now. “It’s just that, well. Your emergency contact, I work with her. We haven’t spoken yet but I don’t know how she will feel having to relocate.” Oikawa’s face tilted in confusion. “Why would my mom have to relocate?”

__________________________

She made her way into the main area of the cafe, sliding into a seat next to Ushijima. “Is everything alright? You look pale.” She nodded unsure of how to answer him. ‘ _ My ex boyfriend is in the hospital and it is so bad they think he should have weekly visits to the doctor until he is well again _ ’ did not sound right. She didn’t want there to be a misunderstanding for Ushijima especially after- the color in her face quickly returned in a feverish pink hue. A calloused hand found its way to her forehead as he touched his own. “You don’t feel warm.” Laughing at his concern, she assured him everything was fine and it was just a sick family member. Guilt flowed throughout her body, lying to him wasn’t what she wanted but it’s not like there was an easy way to say the truth. “Do you mind if I go back tomorrow instead of the day after? I am worried about them being alone in the hospital since everyone else is back here.”  _ That’s not a lie. His family is technically here as well as Iwaizumi. I wonder if he heard. _ Ushijima nodded, he offered to go back with her but she politely declined. Choosing not to push it, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and placed a gentle kiss on her (h/c) locks. The act itself was pure, but she felt as though she was drowning in sins. “Alright lovely people! Thank you for coming to my opening night! As a special treat, my guest and I have prepared cookies for you to try and vote on. If I win, then I will marry this lovely man over her. If she wins, then I will close the shop. Let’s get started!” Ushijima rolled his eyes, muttering that the eccentric best friend of his was getting out of hand. It was quite entertaining to watch but no matter how badly she felt, she wanted to let herself indulge in their antics just a little while longer.


	11. Crossed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She finally made it to him, will he be able to cling to her now?

His head throbbed.  _ (y/n) is coming and I am like this?  _ He wondered why she did not turn away the call but at the same time, she  _ was _ known for her kindness. “Maybe this is my second chance.” Scoffing, tears began to spill over onto his cheeks. “She has no reason to forgive. She has no reason to come here. I did all those things. Why is she showing me this consideration? I wonder if she feels bad. She made me like this after all.” He squeezed the roughly textured fabric in his hands, that was a lie. He knew it was his fault and no one else could take the blame, especially not her. A tissue box bumped his arm, Bokuto’s figure loomed over his. “I hate to interrupt your very important conversation, but I am going back home soon. Kenma will keep you company until she gets here...Is that okay?” He couldn’t even muster a response. Was it okay to see her? Like this? After everything. He clutched his chest with narrow fingers, heaving. The world was too much at the moment. Guilt overturned his mind, swishing his memories to and fro from them to her. Shattered red glass pounded as each time her face flashed before him. The last thing he saw was her tears soak his chest as she clung to his shirt. He could hear her screams loudly echo, bouncing off the walls of his brain. By the time she calmed down and collapsed on the bed into tears, she curled into herself crying into her hands. He pulled her arms away from her face and snuggled into her side. Whispered apologies were drowned out by her heavy breaths. The feeling in his throat scratched him raw. He clawed at his neck to tear away at the pain from months past. Bokuto held his wrists tightly, letting the frail man scream and pound his chest. Self guilt consumed his being until they were able to get him to sleep once more. 

__________________________

She rested her head against the cool glass, watching the clouds below. Regret weighed heavily on her chest with unseen strands tickling her nose reminiscent of the last morning. All this time had passed, would it be okay to see him? Nerves coursed through her veins, tingling her fingers to numbness. The cab ride was not any better. Each time the wheel turned to bring her closer, she felt like vomiting. Regular air felt too thick to breath. Her heart pounded, threatening to break out of her chest. “-am. Ma’am. _Ma’am_. We are here.” She quickly counted out some cash and got out of the cab. Her legs trembled as she stood in front of the visitor’s entrance. Forcing herself to take breath, she took her first step in. The receptionist at the front directed her to a room with an anxious looking man standing out front. His blackened locks hung down as he pushed himself on and off the wall with his fingertips behind his back. _Where have I seen him before?_ Sobs could be heard from inside the room, she felt a sharp pain tear through her heart. That sound was too familiar than she cared for. “Are you here to see him?” She nodded her head, clutched her luggage handle until her knuckles turned red. “Come with me for coffee. I think we should leave them be for now.” Her face must have given away her thoughts before he clarified it was just Bokuto. They made their way down the empty hall to the glowing vending machine. She sat down, shaking her leg nervously scratching at the sides of the can he bought for her. “My name is Kenma. You work with Mr. Hinata and Mr. Haiba, right? I am from the HR department upstairs.” (e/c) eyes glittered with remembrance, he had been the one in Ushijima’s office before when it was pouring. “Um, why are you here?” He sighed and placed his cheek on the table, _he looked like a pouting child._ “We are supposed to merge with this other company then Mr. Oikawa collapsed. At least Mr. Bokuto had not left the hotel room yet. This was not how I wanted to spend my weekend.” She giggled, a small smile forming on her face. It wasn’t what she wanted either but it also not something she would have imagined either. The pair sat in comfortable silence until Kenma handed her a handkerchief from his pocket. Her face was slightly dampened. She laughed as she apologized. “It’s okay I would have a hard time too.” He rubbed her back and let her cry onto his shoulder. No matter how many times she said she was sorry, he assured her nothing was wrong. Bokuto made his way over, giving her a sorrowful hug. “Thank you for coming (y/n). I know it’s hard. I hope you don’t mind that Oikawa told me. Also, I had to explain to Kenma so that we wouldn’t get in trouble for missing our meeting…” She nodded understandingly, her eyes felt heavy and tired. The whole day was mentally draining but these two somehow made her feel better. They chatted about other things until the two departed. She stood outside his door, the only thing dividing them felt heavy with the history between them. If the world faded away, would it take her too? “You can go in.” A muscular figure loomed over her almost menacingly but his smile seemed sincere. “Tetsuro Kuroo. I am his doctor. Are you (y/n)?” She smiled, staring down at her feet. “Your boyfriend is doing just fine. Make sure he eats, he is underweight and he is overly stressed. We also found his blood alcohol content was extremely high. Has anything happened that would cause this?” Her hesitance was enough, he patted her head, slightly messing up her hair. “We broke up.” Those words felt light as they rolled off her tongue but the true meaning behind it was anything but. “Well, I will give you time to check on him. We can move his emergency contact to someone else if you have their information but for now, I am being paged elsewhere. Pleasure to meet your acquaintance.” They shook hands as he departed, the real test was about to begin. She slid open the door as quietly as she could, closing it gently behind her. His brown waves spilled onto the white pillow beneath his head. He laid still almost as if he was a doll that would break if she touched him. His hands rested by his side, skinnier than she remembered. There was a thick scar where he punched the door, she rubbed her thumb gracefully over it. Her lashes stuck together with water. There was no proper emotion she could pinpoint. Not only was she still slightly angry, she also felt guilt for somewhat being the cause of this. She pulled over a nearby chair and rested her head on the bed, lacing their fingers together. _He feels cold._ _I wonder what I could have done. This feels weird. Is forgiveness possible?_ She fumbled with hand until a hoarse, choked voice startled her. “Hey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the inconsistent updates. I did not expect many people to read this nor continue to. Thank you for all the sweet comments and kudos, I really do appreciate it! I will try my best to update more consistently when exams are over. Thank you again for reading!


	12. Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She listened to his empty apologies; what would make this time any different than the last? If she forgave him, then everything in the past would be meaningless. He came back into her life during a happy moment. Can her heart seal him off for good?

He sat up to get a better look at her, she looked as she always did: waves of (h/c) framed her face extenuating her features, long lashes peered at him with (e/c) eyes, and a faint smile graced her lips. Heaven was a person on Earth in the form of her. “I’m-I’m sorry. For all this and-and everything else. _Everything else (y/n)_ . I am so sorry.” Tears began to swell on his bottom lid, pushing the brink of which could be held back. She squeezed his hand, mirroring his sadness. In all honesty, she was sorry too. It was not the best way to leave but if she had not, then there would have been no other time. The cycle would have continued even after they had a child or got married or both if they made it that far. He held his arms open for her longing for the warm embrace he searched for at the bottom of each bottle. She got up and leaned in but did not return his gesture. “I am sorry Oikawa but I do not forgive you.” Her whispered words sliced through him like daggers, echoing in his eardrums. Slowly bringing his arms down, he knew there was no reason for her to believe him. There was so much weight behind their relationship, a few words would not be able to fix it. “As for the doctor, I don’t mind you staying here or going home. If you are here I will go with you only because I don’t want your mom having to make her way here. You can stay with me in this city; however, you will need to get your own place. I don’t want to inconvenience anyone so think about it carefully.” He nodded. It was not a green light that they were okay but he hoped there was some glimmer of hope still left. She excused herself to the restroom to let him process her words. Her heart was beating rapidly, the feeling in her fingers and toes long gone after locking eyes with him. She sucked in a deep breath hoping there would be some sort of comfort in the air. It was almost as if the yearning for a similar familiar cigarette scent was calling out. She let her phone buzz as she stepped back into his room. The thought of her talk with Bokuto ran through her head. _The meeting was a bust but the boss wants to open a branch here anyway. He was thinking of sending Oikawa since he is popular and can attract clients. I wouldn’t be coming but if they do decide to merge be aware he may be around longer than expected._ She knew her words to him were harsher than she meant but certainly this would get the point across clearly. “(y/n). Thank you.” He smiled softly at her. _I just want to see her smile brightly again._ She tilted her lips slightly upward and took her leave. _Even if it is not because of me._

__________________________

 _A silver car sat outside her home, a tall, muscular man leaned against his door taking a drag from his cigarette. She ran up to him catching him by surprise in a massive hug, bearing her face into his soft shirt. “Hello to you too (y/n). Are you okay?” He gently lifted her face towards his. The smell of his smoke enticed her, fulfilling the loss she didn’t know she had. Choosing to not have any interruptions this time, she placed a hard kiss on his lips. “You are always here. Strong and sturdy like a rock.” She buried her face into his chest once more as he flicked the finished bud off to the side. He grabbed her around the waist, holding her as tight as he could against his body. Clutching tightly to his jacket she whiffed in his scent of_ gasoline? She scrunched her nose and opened her eyes. The old, rundown cab she had taken from the hospital was not the glorious one her knight from her dream had been driving. The driver was just as disappointing. “Mornin’ sweetheart. We’re here.” His eyes lingered in the rearview mirror more than she liked while she dug for her wallet. _I just want to take a warm bath and go to bed. Can this day get any worse?_ Finally forking over the wad of bills, she quickly made her way to the front door. She wanted to open it and break down. She wanted to sob until her tears ran out. She wanted his comfort. But it was meaningless. Too many tears had been wasted on the same person for the same reasons and the one she wanted was still far away. Sighing, she unpacked her things and ran the water for a bath. She checked her phone absentmindedly, forgetting the vibrations from earlier. 4 missed calls and spammed messages from an unknown number. She giggled as she read the saga between Kenma and Bokuto. The latter sent words of encouragement while the previous apologized profusely saying he was butting in too much. Tapping the number on the side, the other side picked up almost immediately. “Hey (y/n). I am sorry about that inconsiderate loud mouth. He insisted I check up on you since we work in the same building.” He continued to mutter about his overly exuberant energy being too much and not the time or place for it at a hospital. She listened and smiled to herself. Somehow the predicament she found herself was almost _okay_ ; everything would eventually work out hopefully. 

__________________________

The next few days were spent with cautious tiptoes around the office. Kenma would shyly come down from his floor to sit with her at lunch, but he mostly focused on his phone while everyone else conversed. The only time he put his device down is when Hinata spoke to him; although, his bubbly personality was hard to ignore. Ushijima awkwardly avoided contact with her. _Maybe I left too suddenly and he is mad. I should do something nice for him._ The day she wanted to invite him to dinner, he claimed he had previous plans with a confused Kenma who happened to walk by. “Yachi. I messed up didn’t I.” She slammed her forehead onto the table, annoyed with his too evident dodging of her. Even in meetings he would stare at the papers instead of making eye contact like before. Her blonde headed companion couldn’t help but snicker at the glowing red spot where her head had hit the table. “Just talk to him! I am sure he has a good reason. Although, it is pretty clear he doesn’t really want to see you at the moment. Maybe you should wait a bit?” She nodded. _Not like waiting a bit is an option, I need to leave early once a week for the stupid idiot. I don’t know why I even decided to help him. Is it like survivor’s guilt or something? I swear if he is faking it I will strangle him with-_ “Hey (y/n)? Can you stop muttering like that? You are freaking out Lev and Hinata.” She widened her eyes at Kenma, the first time he speaks today and he criticizes her? She slammed her head on the table again causing a yelp from the trembling pair. “Are you mad I printed the wrong files? I will fix it after lunch I promise!” “Or is it because I locked us out of the system again?” Shooting daggers at them, she growled. “You _what_?” Somehow this felt reminiscent of high school. Oikawa would be up to something that left her anxious and confused, while she also tried to take care of the rest of the boys. Usually it was bickering between Iwaizumi and Mad Dog with Matsukawa occasionally stirring up some trouble. She rubbed her temples, somehow it felt like her life was reenacting itself in another setting.


	13. Writer's Note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I will delete this soon I promise

Hello everyone! This is Mandy. Thank you for reading my story so far! I didn't think it would get any attention at all and I appreciate all the nice comments and support. That being said there were a few rude ones that I have removed. I will be taking a break from this for a few days just to recharge myself. Parts of this are based off personal experience like in most of my other works. I do apologize if the hospital/ emergency contact having to come with Oikawa is strange. It's personally what my clinic did for me so I wanted to draw from my reality to connect with the story more. I also fixed the previous chapter just in case there was any confusion which was my fault. I didn't look over it carefully but it's been fixed! I apologize for this weird post and taking a step back I know it's been awhile since I posted but I am a human as well so things get to me. I am sorry if I disappointed anyone. I should have a new chapter out by October 26th or 27th and will be posting daily or every two days since I've written out more of the story. Best wishes to everyone, thank you for supporting! <3


	14. Determination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to turn around for them in different ways. His heart was being to manifest its biggest wish while hers seemed to run away.

“Hey! Hey! Hey! Guess who locked down the merger? That’s right your favorite coworker! Now you can go get her. Oikawa? Are you listening?” His gruff voice sounded further than it being right on his ear. He was not sure whether to exhale or continue holding his breath. His initial plan was to live out of a hotel before but now he could actually look for a home. “Yeah. I hear you.” The tears would not stop flowing down his face as he let his thoughts run between the past and the future.  _ I will do everything right this time. I swear it. If I can’t get it together, then I promise her happiness will always come first. With or without me. _ His silent pledge to himself made the monitors beep with excitement. “It’s okay to jack off but please do it when you are not on the machine so the nurses don’t complain later.” A smirking, tall, dark haired man walked in swiftly holding a chart in his hands. His fair skin was no match for the redness glowing on his cheeks. “I-I wasn’t! I was on the phone!” His flustered state might have suggested otherwise. Kuroo laughed, his cackles echoed down the hall, striking the ears of those who could hear it. “Well if you normally cry during  _ that _ then I would suggest switching your material.” His teasing tone was annoying. Oikawa wanted him to go away but somehow there was comfort in his words. “Would you change the past if you could?” The question escaped his lips before he had a chance to think about it. “If we could change the past, we would have no worries. The way I see it is, if you fix the past then you will have other things you want to forget. The cycle would repeat, there is no “ideal future” so there is no ideal past either.” Fluffy brown curls bounced up and down as he nodded. He sighed, exhaling the weight inside of him. Determination sprawled across face as he looked out the window. The wind swayed the thin branches outside of his room, birds hummed sweet songs to one another, and warm rays spilled onto his body. The world looked a little bit brighter, a little bit happier.

__________________________

“Ushijima!” She ran towards him as fast as she could in the uncomfortable heels required by the office dress code. Her face was flushed and her (h/c) locks floated behind her, the expression she had as she ran towards him was one filled with desperation and longing. His stoic gaze was no match for the scene before him. The one he couldn’t get out of his head was coming at him full force even after ignoring her, how could he  _ not _ feel his heart flutter? “I am so sorry for leaving so suddenly. I know you are ignoring me, but can I make it up to you?” She panted between each word, holding herself up with heavy hands pressing on her knees. He fidgeted slightly in his spot, his eyes darting back and forth hoping to find an escape through something or someone. “Also, as your employee I need to let you know something as well. I need to leave early once a week. I am not sure what day yet, but I will let you know. Maybe-maybe over dinner?” Looking down was definitely her best option. If she looked him in the eyes now, she wasn’t sure how to ask him. “Just let Hitoka know.” It was abrupt and low. She had not expected him to answer so quickly and devoid of emotion, she felt her chest twist with hurt. He turned quickly and left towards the elevators down the hall. Still bent over, she could not help but laugh. Of course he would react like that.  _ I left so suddenly, I used his kindness too much, I- no. No more thinking like this. No more blaming myself when I don’t understand someone else. I tried. _ She collected herself before making her way to her office. “(y/n)... I- I- I don’t get it!” Orange curls stood in front of the copy machine, Hinata’s hands tightly clutched ripped papers. “What did you do?” She should not be giggling as he tried to explain how the paper kept jamming, but his almost-in-tears face was too cute.  _ This is how it should be. No romance, just friends.  _ It would be wrong to say she did not hope to see the familiar shadow of her boss when she looked around, but she drew the line in her mind. Ushijima would be off limits, sealed off in a world of his own never to mix with hers outside of work.

__________________________

There were no apartments near his job. At least not any that were not ridiculously expensive or bigger than just a studio. He scrolled through so many online and hired a realtor to help him look, but there was not much luck.  _ It's not like I will have many people over, maybe I should settle for smaller and save until I can get a bigger place.  _ He set an appointment for the weekend and closed his laptop. Moving during this time would definitely be difficult but the thought of her filled his mind.  _ “Hey babe! What do you think of this place?” She leaned into his chest and raised her phone to show him the house she was looking at. They had talked about moving in together after high school, they were in dorms at college so having their own space was a dream. “Hmm, anything with you would be perfect.” He whispered gently in her ear, leaving a kiss on the tip. She giggled and smiled widely at him.  _ The house they had been looking at was eventually sold- they were only kids at the time they found it- but a part of him felt sad when she mentioned it. It was their future together he pictured in that place they knew only through pictures. He wondered if she remembered the happy times like he did or if she clung onto the bad memories only. Out of curiosity, he looked up the address he had not thought of in years. It was off the market still. He smiled thinking of how one day hopefully he could bring her there for real. But that would take a lot of money and a lot of growing. He pressed a button on the remote next to his bed. After a few moments, a young nurse came in. “I think I am feeling hungry.” She smiled gently and said she would return with a snack in a few minutes. “Heard you were finally eating?” His doctor handed him a jello cup and spoon. “Guess whatever was bothering you is finally resolved? Fix the mental to better the physical.” Oikawa thought he was spewing nonsense, but somehow his resolution to get her back  _ was _ definitely his biggest goal. He could only shrug as he took slow bites.  _ (y/n). _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the late post I sincerely forgot what day it was LOL. Working full time and school full time is really hard but I feel recovered now. Thank you for the nice comments on the last post. I really appreciated it. I think I will keep it up so the comments don't disappear. I will be updating every two or three days. Have a great day everyone :) <3


	15. Moving Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spending time with friends, she lets herself indulge in the innocence of friendship. He takes steps towards being finding peace in new surroundings for the sake of her. But their worlds are slowly beginning to merge in an unprecedented way.

She cuddled against his back, bringing him in closer. His hair tickled her nose and as she trembled behind him. “(y/n)...you don’t have to cling so tightly. You chose this movie.” She shook her head as she buried herself deeper into him. She wrapped her arms tightly around his waist, grabbing onto a free hand. Yachi intertwined her cold fingers with hers as she leaned in more to his chest. “You guys are squishing me!” Both girls screamed as a zombie jumped up on the screen. “KENMA!” They clutched tightly around him causing him to sigh. A so called movie night turned into a sticky, sweaty mass of bodies holding onto him. (y/n) somehow wiggled her way behind him while Yachi jumped into his lap at the beginning. Looking to the side of the couch, he could make out the silhouette of Lev and Hinata holding each other as well. Lev was holding Hinata close to his chest, with their legs intertwined. Kenma couldn’t help but wonder why they chose horror if no one could handle it. “Hinata! You have the remote, put on something happy.” The blonde woman whined as she searched for (y/n)’s body behind the annoyed man’s lap she occupied. “I want (y/n) stop hogging her!”  _ Kick _ . “Yachi I will not move from the safety of Kenma until Hinata changes it.”  _ Slap _ . “Lev! Let go of him so we can switch to a new show.”  _ Thump _ . “Can everyone stop piling on each other? Right. Now.” Kenma’s aggravated growl sent shockwaves through everyone’s bodies as they untangled themselves from one another. Hinata scrolled down the colorful posters unable to decide on anything. She looked around as the others chatted while the usual ball of energy put all his attention towards the screen. They had not hung out as a group in a long time so she was glad her favorite secretary had arranged it. But the absence of his solid presence made her a bit lonely. 

__________________________

He stepped into the small studio, it looked a lot more spacious than he had previously thought. One of the walls was a floor-to-ceiling window and the kitchen was big enough for an island in the middle. Although there was only one other door for the bathroom and closet, he did not mind downsizing from his previous place. “It is move-in ready, and a fairly quiet neighborhood. You have neighbors on the bottom floor and one next to you. This complex only has four units so you don’t have to worry about crowding…” The realtor’s voice sounded far off as he imagined his things crammed in.  _ I wonder how she would like it here _ . He smiled gently to himself, the thought of her surging a warm feeling in his chest. He made sure to note when the deposit was due if he wanted the unit. Walking around the block, he took in the sight of unfamiliarity. The realtor had mentioned there was a convenience store down the street and his workplace was near as well. His feet carried him randomly until he stood in front of a giant building with massive glass doors.  _ So this is it.  _ He wasn’t sure what to make of anything since all he could see was the front desk. But a large shadow loomed over him causing him to be taken back. “What are you doing?” Oikawa shifted his eyes down, not wanting to meet the gaze of the muscular man. “I-I-I, uh, I start working here soon and I just wanted to look but I know it is not a weekday so I really am just looking.” The man took a step back and sighed. “I did not mean to scare you, I am the boss here. I am picking something up that I left. Did you want to come in?” Brown curls nodded slowly. As he looked up, he was met with the brooding stare of the man before him. 

__________________________

Balancing a tray of freshly baked goods and pitcher of water over to the coffee table, she couldn’t help but giggle as the boys argued how to play Uno. “Lev you can  _ not _ stack cards like that.” Hinata slammed his fist on the table, shaking the pitcher and tray. “Yes I  _ can _ . Kenma, I can right?” Mimicking his previous gesture, he slammed down his fist with more force. “No Shouyo. I don’t think you can.” If she didn’t grab his fist before he swung it down, then the table would have collapsed. “Please don’t break anything, look. Yachi is pissed.” Everyone turned to see the blonde’s vein twitch on her forehead as she sent daggers towards them. “I was nice enough to have you guys come over but if anything breaks it will be your head!” The cup she held was crushed by her hand causing orange curls to hide behind the yellow eyed man next to him. She gave him a swift kick to the shin. “That’s my spot. I want to cuddle Kenma.” Another argument ensued over who was better for him. The fit of giggles from Yachi and Lev and annoyed grunts from Kenma mixed in with their yells. She took a look around, taking in the moment with a soft smile.  _ This is how it should be _ . 

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“I apologize for the late introduction. My name is Wakatoshi Ushijima. The front desk is where you will find our lovely secretary Yachi Hitoka. Since we are merging with your company, we will be sharing office spaces on the second, third, and fourth floor. The building is rather large so we had renovations going for the fifth and sixth floor that will be completed sometime after the rainy season. The second floor is normally used for meetings but until we have everything situated between the two companies, we may need the extra space.” Oikawa listened to the rough, deep drone of his words. It was easy enough to take in the information but somehow he felt guilty.  _ She works here. I feel like I am invading the personal space she built away from me. Is this really okay? _ “The only desk I have available is next to one of our newest workers. Her name is (y/n) (l/n) and she is really sweet.” Oikawa flinched at the name, taking a look at Ushijima who was smiling warmly at the empty seat in front of him. Her computer had polaroids of people he didn’t recognize but she looked happy in each one. There was a single frame on the desk that really pulled his attention.  _ He nervously tugged at the bottom of his shirt. Not only had he arrived an hour early, but he was so anxious he couldn’t help his palms becoming sweaty. It was just like any other date and had no particular special meaning behind it. Where were his confusing feelings coming from? He paced around the front of the aquarium hoping to calm himself down. “Oikawa!” She ran towards him with a smile on her face, the headband he bought her accented her outfit, and the air around her floated with flowers. Well, it seemed like it at least. Placing a kiss on his lips, she dragged him towards the entrance. Her eyes sparkled as she pointed to the different tanks, his heart slowly began to feel more at ease. There was a massive enclosure that was supposed to simulate the ocean. She walked up and put her hand on the glass where a fish had been admiring her. It swam up to the glass hitting it with a soft thump where her hand was. He couldn’t remember if it was the way she smiled or the sound of her soft chuckle that took his breath away first. He fumbled with his phone, gazing at the photo he took.“I love you.” She turned her head quickly in embarrassment. “What did you say?” His face began to feel hot as she drew nearer. “If you love me, does that mean you accept the love I have for you too?” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i lack brain cells and accidentally set this to post on nov. 30th instead of oct. 30th. college is a scam especially being a math major.


	16. Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ushijima drops an unexpected bombshell on both parties. Oikawa resolutes his place her life, but she has an unwavering emptiness inside. Who will be the one to fill it?

“Did you guys hear that we are merging with another company? We have two new guys coming in on Monday.” The tall, silver haired man slapped down a card before calling out a random color. She kept her eyes focused over Kenma’s shoulder as he sunk deeper into her chest. “Lev, you don’t even know what is going on half the time at work, how could you possibly know that?” Her ears tickled pink as she snorted at Hinata’s snarky remark, squeezing her friend just a little tighter. Kenma instinctively put his hand over her’s, rubbing the back lightly with his thumb. He could feel her slightly tremble as the others discussed who the new recruits could possibly be. “You know, whoever they are we should not be talking about people we have not met.” Everyone turned quickly toward Kenma who hadn’t butt into the conversation until then. “Either way, they will probably make less mistakes than Hinata.” His smirk was met with a pillow smacking him hard in the face. Between the cries of Hinata claiming he was being bullied and Lev and Kenma’s giggles, she felt unease settle in her stomach. If she could run away again, then now would be the perfect time. 

__________________________

He snapped himself out of his thoughts before sneaking another glance at the man beside him. His shoulders were broad, his hair was slicked back in a neat way, and the faint smell of cigarettes drifted off his body. There was nothing remarkable about him  _ technically _ ; however, something felt off.  _ Have we met before? Impossible since I never really left home recently except for when Bokuto dragged me here. _ His thoughts began to trail off until her smile flashed before him. The bright dazzling grin faced toward another person as she walked through the airport. Him. Confusion and guilt overtook his mind but his mouth reacted even faster. “Hey, you are a pretty good looking dude. Do you have a girlfriend?”  _ Shitty-kawa. _ “Haha, no I don’t. There is someone I have taken a liking to though. Actually, I am here to pick up a gift for her that I left. Follow me.” If Ushijima knew how riled up Oikawa was getting internally, then he was excellent at hiding the fact. The walk was silent until they reached his office. It was too normal. Too plain. Too  _ sickening _ . Ushijima fumbled around under his desk before pulling out a small ribbon wrapped gift. He tugged at the delicate fabric until it unraveled itself gracefully on the desk. Opening the lid of the box, the glint of a gold necklace winked at the men. It was a thin chain with a small bewitching green jade pendant. It looked frail enough to break if they breathed too hard around it, but when Ushijima placed it in his hand, it looked strong and resilient. He could imagine it sitting on her collarbone, gently complimenting her skin. “It’s beautiful isn’t it? I wanted to give it to her when we went on a trip together but someone from her family got sick. I have been so nervous and worried that it's too much, that I have been avoiding her. I get so flustered when she smiles that I lose all rational thought. I am rambling right now but I want to cherish her. She said her past was pretty brutal thanks to her ex and I want her to feel loved. She never mentioned his name but if I ever see him who knows how I will react.” Oikawa clenched his chest as he stared at the gift.  _ It’s not my place to be beside her anymore. Not when she can replace the sorrow I brought her with joy. _ “It’s beautiful. I think she will love it.” He smiled warmly at Ushijima as he placed it back in the box and wrapped the ribbon back to how it was originally. He could feel his chest tighten, was breathing always this hard? “I am actually headed to see everyone now if you wanted to come.” Oikaa shook his head fearing if he saw him give it to her, he would not be able to handle it. He hurriedly came up with an excuse while rushing down the block back to his studio. He knew she was doing better, so why did it feel so much worse now?

__________________________

Kenma pouted as he adjusted himself in her lap. He put his ear on her chest and crossed his arms while furrowing his brows. She laughed at how much of a baby he looked. The cards were stacked heavily in his hand but there still was no green for him to put down. “I don’t think Lev shuffled these properly.” His grumbles were drowned out but snickers and giggles from the silver and orange heads across the table as he drew more and more cards into his hand until finally reaching a green. She stroked his hair while Yachi got the person knocking at the door. “Someone looks comfy, do you mind if I borrow your chair Kenma?” Ushijima’s smooth voice tickled her ears as he reached out his hand. She took it cautiously, following him as he went out to the patio. She shifted uneasily on her feet, surely he wouldn’t fire her now of all times. “I-I know leaving early will be inconvenient, but I will make sure I meet all my deadlines.” Sheepishly avoiding his gaze, she fumbled with her hands. “What?” Her face became red and hot. “I mentioned it before…” He cupped her face with his hands, surprising her enough to where she pulled away. “I am sorry. My mind has been elsewhere and I am not sure how to act in front of you. Do you mind if I smoke to calm my nerves a bit?” She shook her head. “Light it for me.” The white stick between his lips got closer to the lighter he placed in her hand. She flicked it on noting how near his face was. She leaned against the wall, putting her out of view of the glass door that led into the house. Everyone else was distracted with merry chatter but she felt alone and scared at the same time.  _ He hates me.  _ She watched as he took a deep drag from the cigarette.  _ Maybe I should leave after he is done talking about whatever it is. _ He puffed a thin cloud of smoke and shook his hands, reaching into his pocket.  _ I don’t want to feel like that every again. That feeling that is not comparable to anything else. The feeling that has no words, just emptiness.  _ “(y/n). Turn around please.” Doing as she was told, she shut her eyes unsure of what was to come. Something small hit her chest causing her to inhale sharply from the unknown object. His hands gently turned her and she opened her eyes to see his red face struggling to keep their gaze. “I don’t know how to say this but I wanted to give you this on our trip. I know you had a rough past but when I saw you on the plane, I wanted you to have more joy in your life. This is supposed to bring good luck and harmony. (y/n) I know I have been acting weird lately, I just get so nervous around you. But I just wanted to say that I really like you.”


	17. Confusion

Pulling his arms through one of his man collared shirts, his heart nervously pounded. His fingers fumbled with the buttons that seemed to not want to fit into their respective holes. Getting his pants and shoes on were easy enough; however, his hair was another story. Maybe it was the lack of sleep from being overly anxious about seeing her at work or maybe it was the dreaded thought of seeing her wear the necklace that made this morning drag on. He already woke up an hour earlier than he meant to, but there was nothing left to do. Looking through the cabinets for something to settle his stomach, his eyes laid on a tall sleek bottle.  _ Surely just a sip wouldn’t hurt. _ His lips kissed the edge as the familiar scent of liquor stung his nose. It felt warm as the clear liquid quickly rushed over his tongue and down his throat. The bitter taste was numbing but unfortunately it did nothing to his uncontrollable heartbeat. While brushing his teeth once more, he looked himself over hoping to find something wrong to prolong his morning. As he stepped out, he looked back into his empty studio. Normally at their old place, it felt cold as if no one lived there at all but now it faintly seemed livable. The sweet smell of freshly baked bread carried in the air from some unknown source. He inhaled deeply and remembered the thought of her wearing that same apron she could never get rid of. As he walked in the direction of the office building, he hoped for the chance to try her sweets one more time.

__________________________

“Shoot! I am going to be late. I should have started this last night.” She ran around the kitchen grabbing everything she needed, hurriedly mixing as she went. Throwing the pan into the oven as soon as she could, she rushed to get ready. Her mind wouldn’t stop wandering between Ushijima and Oikawa. The thought of seeing one or the other today was nerve wracking even if it was inevitable. Checking herself in the mirror one more time, she couldn’t help but think how ridiculous she looked. Her makeup was a tad bit done up more than usual and her curves were more emphasized in this particular skirt and blouse. The most eye catching part of the ensemble was the necklace that laid gracefully against her collarbone.  _ Hopefully today goes smoothly no matter how I look.  _ Glancing over at the clock, she decided against changing her outfit and bolted towards the kitchen. Thankfully everything looked good, but it needed at least a few minutes to cool off before she packed it. She grabbed the bag on the counter wondering if she should bring it or keep it for herself. Her alarm blared without giving her a second to think further. Grabbing each cookie and plating them carefully- although rushed- in a tupperware, she set off towards her job. Each step was filled with increasing mixed emotions as she drew nearer.

__________________________

He arrived early enough to get a tour from Yachi and get himself settled in his desk. The space next to him was still empty by the time he went around greeting everyone. The building looked larger from the outside, so it did not take long to introduce himself to everyone. Kenma shuffled his way over to him, seating himself in her chair. “How are you?” Oikawa thought back to the bathroom and the hospital when he last saw him and smiled. “I will be okay. As long as she is happy.” Kenma nodded and turned towards the computer. Oikawa watched as the man next to him turned it on, pulled out a pair of black headphones from the bottom drawer, and opened an mmorpg game. He wasn’t sure whether to laugh or scold him but watching him play was fascinating. Catching on to the bright lights that flashed on the screen, he called out the different directions the enemies were coming from. They were so immersed in one particular fight they hadn’t noticed the fuming person who stood behind them. “If you are going to slack off all day, do _not do it at my desk._ ” She smacked them both swiftly on the back of their heads. “There’s freshly baked cookies in the break room if you want any.” As both men rubbed the sore spot, they stood up but she quickly grabbed his wrist before he could go. Confused, Oikawa looked down gazing into her big (e/c) eyes. “Can we talk?” Once he nodded, she brought him into one of the meeting rooms. “I made you milk bread. Please eat it. Especially once we go to the doctor later this week, we need some improvement right?” He felt his heart soar as he looked into the bag half expecting to be store bought, but ecstatic to see it was her own. “Thank you (y/n). I really appreciate this.” His eyes caught the glimmer of the necklace. _So it's him. As long as she is happy._ His phone rang giving him the perfect excuse to leave. Her heart felt heavy as she watched him go. _Why did he look happy then so sad?_ _Wait- Why do I care? Why did I make him that stupid bread in the first place?_ She squeezed her head between her palms as if that would give her some type of answer. Holding the necklace in her hand she thought back to the previous night. _“You don’t have to answer my feelings right now, but please keep this.” She nodded, feeling the tears rise inside of her. “It’s so beautiful, thank you.” Embracing him tightly, she breathed in his scent; a mix of cologne and cigarettes. His body was firm and comforting. It was easy to imagine herself with him but somehow as much as she willed herself to want more, something felt off. Oikawa’s face flashed through her mind. Was that out of habit or was it what she really wanted? She couldn’t come to a clear answer. Ushijima pulled back and placed a kiss on her cheek causing her to blush. “Would you like to go on a date this Saturday? Even if you don’t have an answer or can’t return my feelings this is my only request.” She nodded and smiled up at him. As they went back inside, she hoped for clarity in the storm that blew through her chest._


	18. Riptide

The feeling of laying on his chest was different than when he laid on hers. His blonde tips tickled her face as she plunged himself deeper into him. “(y/n). Those two will get the wrong idea if you cling to me like this.” She shook her head. “Somehow it would be better if I ended up with you instead of them.” He pushed her off, holding her tightly by the shoulders. His golden eyes buried deep into her (e/c) ones, his brows twitching in annoyance. “I will  _ not _ allow myself to be caught up any further in this than I  _ already _ am. Bokuto messages me nonstop about the aquarium that we never visited because a certain  _ someone _ decided to  _ pass out _ . Then, it turns out to be a  _ much bigger _ problem than I could have expected. Oh, but it does  _ not _ end there. My usual gaming time is now interrupted by random game nights with the coworkers that are too rowdy for their own good.  _ Also, you are an idiot _ .” She did not know what was harsher: his words or the one he said them with. Fidgeting in her seat next to his, she refused to look him in the eye.  _ He isn’t technically wrong. Maybe I should buy him dinner to make up for the trouble I caused? _ A firm kick to the shin brought her back into reality as if he knew her mind was wondering elsewhere. “Would you be able to forgive Oikawa? Don’t think about if you end up together or not. Would you actually be able to forgive him? You said the pain he put you through was so soul breaking that words and experiences were not enough to fully express it.” The world felt like it was shaking; if anything, hers was. Her body clenched her fists tightly together. “If you choose yourself or Ushijima, can you say you will be able to not think of him anymore? Not forget him or push him to the back of your mind, I mean  _ truly _ leave him as the past. Like when you fell as a kid, you don’t remember every single time. Even if you scraped your knee horribly and it hurt so much you cried for hours, can Oikawa be one of those dismissed moments in the past that don’t affect your present. Think about it.” No matter how much her hands tightened and her body tried to curl up, reality was slowly starting to set in. There was no reason to conveniently run like she did before arriving here. Kenma threw his jacket over her as Hinata and Yachi walked into the break room. Just for a moment, the fear subsided.  _ I forgot how warm love can be.  _

__________________________

Twisting a brown curl between his fingers and staring at the bag she gave him, he felt his thoughts beginning to ramble.  _ Get. Yourself. Together. She gave you this because she is concerned about you as a friend. Nothing more. Imagine how Ushijima would feel if he knew.  _ He sighed and placed his head on the desk. The thoughts of what could have been ran through his mind. A loud growl from his stomach interrupted his daydreams, reminding him of what he was supposed to be doing. “She made it for me and I actually am feeling somewhat hungry today.” He chuckled softly to himself, getting up to borrow the microwave.  _ We are not together but she still influences me greatly. _ As he walked down the hallway, his ears perked at the sound of her voice. He was certain the low, chastising tone from the other person was Kenma. A shiver ran down his spine thinking of how the golden eyed demon was able to bring down the other golden demon by his lectures to not drag sick people to other places. It really wasn’t Bokuto’s fault but Kenma’s lecture about taking care of himself was too terrifying to remember. He took a peek around the corner not wanting to interrupt their conversation. Seeing her cuddled with another person other than himself was infuriating but it didn’t last long. He wasn’t allowed to get jealous, at least his culpability didn’t permit it. They sat near the window on the other side of the room, just far enough to pick up bits and pieces of what they said. “...Oikawa? Don’t...end up together...pain...choose...Ushijima...leave him...cried for hours…” A feeling greater than guilt settled into his mind, causing him to slide down the wall with his head in his hands.  _ What am I doing? Getting jealous and snooping is stupid, I do not have that right anymore. I lost it a long time ago.  _ The more he pondered on her and Kenma’s relationship, the sudden realization hit.  _ What about Ushijima? Aren’t they together if she wears the necklace? Oh my god. Did I instill in her that cheating is okay? (y/n) you are so much better than me, please don’t let my mistakes become yours! _ The dramatic, albeit imaginary, scenes of her going on dates while texting the other ran through his mind. His face turned red as he punched the ground. Unbeknownst to him, he had an audience until he stood up. “Are you okay?” Two pairs of eyes stared up at him with childlike concern. He could only nod as he felt his face heat up. They shrugged as they walked into the room he had planted himself outside of. Sighing, he decided to follow. His eyes immediately went to the area they were seated at. Kenma’s are protectively caressed her back under his jacket. His resolve to not feeling some way about the interaction repeated itself over and over in his head. Hinata fussed about wanting a cookie while Oikawa put his gift in the microwave. “She always makes masterpieces.” He slid his hand into the container, beating Hinata to it. “Oh, did you guys know each other before you came here? You are from the same city right?” The innocent question threw him for a loop. “We- uh, no. I mean- I had one this morning and it tasted so good I thought she must have been baking for a long time.” He scurried to the beeping machine.  _ Well that was close. If they found out about our history...I think I would be fired based off of how close she seems with everyone. _ He grabbed his bread and excused himself. The day felt so long and eventful despite it not being time to go home yet. He sat himself down at his desk. His mind took rapid twists and turns, pulling him down deeper into his darkest thoughts of what she may be like now. If he hurt her to the point where she isn’t being faithful, was he allowed to feel possessive even now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warm bread
> 
> that's it. that's the tweet.


	19. Questions

Her head pounded as she tore herself between old and new. With one, she felt calmness overtake her mind as if her worries were trivial matters that needed no attention as long as he was by her side. With the other, her anxiety nagged her thoughts, filling her with regrets; however, there was something still drawing her to him. Trembling fingers raked through (h/c) locks as she tried to focus on her computer screen.  _ Do I even want a relationship? _ The thought struck her, pausing any movement she had been making including her breath. If she needed anything, it was definitely a break. Imagining life with Ushijima seemed almost like a dream, even the necklace would flutter away if she didn’t cling tightly to it. Oikawa remained in a distant realm, one that made her tremble at the thought of who else was involved. Exhaling slowly, she unclenched her hands and jaw, allowing the stress that had weighed heavily on her chest to dissipate into the air. 

__________________________

Sneaky glances were stolen between the few seconds he could spare every few minutes. He watched as she typed furiously, concentrating all her energy on the screen before her.  _ When did it become like this? _ He knew he had twisted every aspect of her being to be focused solely on him; however, she was the one who had complete control now. Every fleeting interaction he had with faceless girls amounted to nothing in his life in the present. She was the beacon of light that shone so brightly, it consumed him entirely. The necklace, the pictures, her memories; they no longer were pieces of her that he knew. His selfishness crumpled his pride and turned back the actions he had done to her. Maybe there is solace in the aching of being unable to touch her, the thing he wanted most dearly slid between his fingertips.

__________________________

She knew it was too much. The thought of being with him was so terrifyingly overwhelming, she could feel her heartbeat quicken with each passing second. The warmth of being curled into his chest while sleeping seemed like a memory lost in the past. His chest would rise and fall gently as soft snores tickled her ears. Those blissful stolen moments ingrained into her memories and heart were ripped apart with the stench of alcohol and foreign lipstick stains in the laundry. Things she should have been looking forward to had become a blank future. Haven't there been a house? The names of physical love stumbling in the yard as they babbled towards their parents, were those hopes fake?

__________________________

Her brows furrowed. Her breathing hitched. Subtle changes that would normally be unimportant became his focus. He tried to focus on the screen in front of him but his thoughts were overrun with her.  _ This is selfish _ . The thought rang through his mind. Overthinking and jumping to the conclusion that she would be anything like him was definitely his ego stroking itself. What right did he have to equate himself to her? To Mr. Ushijima? To place himself in this new life she had created after running from him?  _ I am selfish _ . He scoffed to himself causing her to raise a confused eyebrow, it was exactly like him to still make it seem like he was the victim. He couldn’t remember a book, photos, or dates. She had suffered enough through that just because he was looking for an answer he already found. The most thrilling part of his life was being with her so why was she not enough before?  _ Insecurity _ . Always the center of everything, yet failing to recognize what should have mattered. Even now, he was afraid of where he stood in the world and wanted to matter to her but what right did he have?  _ None _ .

__________________________

The phone screen on her desk flashed reminding her of the appointment she somewhat dreaded to go to. Her mind was a crumbling mess, but a promise was a promise. She lightly tapped his thigh as she gathered her things. “Hey, it is time to go.” If she made eye contact now, it would muddle her thoughts even further. Leaving together would seem suspicious but surely no one would notice right? She said her goodbyes and made her way downstairs. Kenma leaned against the wall giving her a small wave. The nod she gave him was more for herself than anything else. It affirmed that she was doing the right thing and that whatever happens, happens. So why did it make her head feel so heavy?  _ Too many thoughts. Am I strong enough to go through this? Will I be okay?  _ She shook her head back and forth, taking a deep breath.  _ If I made it this far, then I will be okay. There was a me before him and there will be a me after him.  _ Her mini peptalk brought back a sense of reality as she made her way out the glass doors at the entrance. She clenched her fingers into her palms leaving half moon carvings into her skin. The more she thought, the more she wanted to run away. But that wasn’t an option anymore. 

__________________________

Begrudgingly, he gathered his things to leave. As he made his way to the stairs, he overheard the mumbles of his coworkers. He had no intention of eavesdropping, but the mention of his name intrigued him. “(y/n) always leaves on time, but now she is leaving early? The same as Mr. Oikawa? That seems suspicious.”  _ Who is that? The orange one?  _ “Maybe they are dating! But what about the boss? He totally has his eyes on her.”  _ That definitely has to be the tall guy...Lev? _ “Guys, stop gossiping. You should put your brain power towards making less mistakes rather than someone else’s life.”  _ Okay, that attitude is definitely Kenma. _ “Yeah but aren’t you curious too? You  _ are _ her best friend other than Yachi.”  _ Yachi? The secretary I believe… I can’t remember. _ “Even if I am, all I want is for her to be happy. She deserves that no matter what the situation is. Can you guys finish your work first before I have to deal with any angry clients?” Oikawa made his way down the stairs, the last part of Kenma’s words lingered in his mind.  _ She deserves that no matter what the situation is. _ Her (h/c) locks fluttered in the wind as she stood outside on the steps. He drank in the sight of the slight smile she had on her kissable lips and long lashes that gazed up at the sky as a butterfly flew not far above her head. She always looked gorgeous but these small moments when no one else mattered tugged at his heart. The question was no longer what would he need to do to make things right, but did he deserve that privilege? Or would letting go be what was best for her? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for not updating. Honestly I got busy with life. I don't know how much I have left of the story but thank you for sticking with me! :)


	20. Pendulum

The walk to the bus stop was silent and off putting. Her heart pounded in her chest.  _ After all this time and somehow we end up having to go to the doctor together? This seems a bit ridiculous. _ She could no longer keep in the giggles that crawled their way up her throat. His curls flopped to the side as he tilted his head causing her to laugh harder. “Did you ever think we would end up like this?” She calmed herself as best as she could. “We were together so long and now we are not, but somehow we are still connected.” She wiped her eyes as she thought harder about the situation she found herself in. “No. I didn’t.” His straightforward answer spooked her a bit.  _ Was he angry at what I said? Although, it is really funny when you think about it. _ “I didn’t think about you enough. If I had, you would still be mine. But as long as you keep laughing and smiling like you have been then I think where we are now isn’t necessarily bad.” She froze. It wasn’t the answer she was expecting to her hypothetical question. Was it earnest? The only thing she could do was stare at the man who stood next to her. His curls hung low over his eyes, covering reddened bags. His expression was solemn, the regret and pain he hid behind those words were evident in his forceful smile. Her heart skipped a beat.  _ Have I ever seen this side of him? _ The entire way there and during the appointment, she couldn’t find it in herself to make eye contact. His answer rang through her mind, certainly she didn't hear him properly.  _ The  _ Tooru Oikawa, the man who jumped from bed to bed without any regard for anyone else’s feelings much less  _ hers _ , wanted to see her smile and laugh?  _ Now this, this is really funny. _

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He drowned out the doctor’s droning tones with the thought of his words and the look on her face.  _ I meant everything I said so why did she look so shocked? _ Looking across the room at her fiddling with her necklace, briefly he crossed his line of sight with her own. The way she turned her head pretending to read off a poster was all too familiar. It felt like so long ago when she would do the same thing after finding out about yet another girl. He figured it was a thing she did when avoiding confrontation, but when did it start?  _ In school she was not afraid to speak her mind at all. There was that one time Kyotani mouthed off at her and she scolded him. It was frightening to see but she was so forward and direct, he didn’t do it again. When did it happen? The first time she averted her eyes from me was probably during that one match when a girl kissed my cheeks after? No. That doesn’t feel right.  _ He concentrated as hard as he could, nodding his way through Dr. Kuroo’s words that slipped their way through his ears.  _ When? When was it? I want her to keep looking my way but how can I get her to look at me again?  _ His heart skipped a beat, his fingers began to feel tremble as his color drained from his face.  _ That kiss in the alley. _ Suddenly looking at her now, he could feel the cold winter hit his cheeks. The office around him came alive with the chatter of passersby in holiday merriment. Her teenage silhouette trembled holding the hand of her mother while he stared at her next to his younger self. The girl in front of him pulled his face back down for more, but what expression was (y/n) making as she walked away? His mind began to wonder if she cried in front of her family or if she held it in until she was alone. All this time had passed and not once did he consider the aftermath of that moment. But one thing burned into his mind clearer than anything else; her (e/c) eyes looked stunned but that was surely the first time she looked away. 

__________________________

The ride home was almost eerily quiet, she didn’t have anything to say other than suggesting they share a taxi. Oikawa nodded, still lost in thought, following her lead. She thought it was odd that he didn’t say anything when she told the driver where to go, but certainly him getting off at the same place was even weirder right? “Thanks for seeing me home. You don’t have to walk me to my door or anything.” She felt herself getting nervous standing there as he dug around in his pockets. “I- um- actually live in the unit upstairs.” He pointed to the door on the second floor, diagonal from hers. “This would be our luck.” Laughing now would probably be inappropriate but who cares? As ridiculous as it was, the landlord had fairly cheap rent near work so she really wasn’t that surprised. He went up the stairs with a wave as she entered her own home. The familiar buzz of a call vibrated from inside her purse.  _ Ushijima  _ flowed across her screen, with a bit of uncertainty, her finger quickly swiped to answer. “Hey.” His deep rough voice tickled her ears. “Tomorrow, can I take you somewhere I think you will enjoy?”  _ Where could it be?  _ “Yes of course I look forward to it!”  _ Was that too excitable? _ “Then it’s a date. I will pick you up in the afternoon (y/n).” She could feel her face heat up as he said her name. After saying her own goodbyes, she felt the butterflies flutter in her stomach. The speed of their wings caused a flustered feeling to settle in. She could feel a smile crawl onto her lips as she made her way into her place. 

__________________________

He watched painstakingly from his window.  _ Who was that? What was she smiling about? Why didn’t she look back at me? _ Drowning in his possessive thoughts, he tightly gripped his curtain in his fist.  _ Why did she laugh earlier?  _ The countless questions clouded his mind through the night.  _ Why didn’t… _ Certainly sleep would come.  _ How come… _ Or maybe not.  _ If only… _ He could do nothing but stare at the ceiling that mocked him. It was white and clean unlike how he felt. His life was turned upside down, thrown around carelessly, and stained with memories of her. “Ah, this is my punishment.”


	21. Mistakes

She curled her hair, brushed on a clear gloss, and changed her outfit multiple times. “Argh! I don’t even know where we are going! What do I wear?” She finally settled on a fitted white blouse and comfortable jeans with black platform sandals when a knock came to her door. Grabbing her purse, she took one last look in the mirror before opening her door. He stood up straight and had a bit of a surprised look on his face. His hair fell into his eyes as he looked down at her. “You look really pretty today. I guess you have plans?” She nervously glanced up at the puffy, red eyes that bore into her (e/c) ones. He looked tired and listless; yet, he was dressed in the usual jogging outfit she only knew the back of when she watched him leave in the morning. “Um...yeah I do. I am going on a date.” Her heart thumped against her rib cage feverishly begging to be let out of its prison. The familiar state of anxiety and guilt crept slowly into her mind as she stared down at her feet. “Have fun. I’ll see you around.” He patted her on the head gently before quickly turning away.  _ What was that about? It looked like he had been crying, but I know that’s not right. I never know what he is thinking. _ She sighed and went to close the door when she heard a gruff voice call out to her.

__________________________

He paced outside the front of the complex; occasionally throwing in random stretches to make it seem less suspicious.  _ I didn’t rest well and I stink at the moment but I wonder if I should ask her to get lunch with me or something. If she gets suspicious I can always say it is a thank you for helping me. Yeah, yeah that sounds right. I should do that. _ When she opened the door, he couldn’t help but stare at her beauty. It had taken by such a surprise that the familiar scratch in his throat from long ago resurfaced, almost as if his body was holding him back from his previous ideas. Her answer was more shocking than her appearance. It would only make sense she was going on a date; afterall, her life was still moving without him. He watched as she turned back to go inside. If he hadn’t lingered for a moment hoping she would come back out for him, then he wouldn’t have seen his new boss approach her and the flustered look she had on her face. He quickly showered and changed in a moment’s notice and made his way out the complex, eyes following the all too familiar silver blob as it got further and further from him. Hastily hailing down a cab, he asked the driver to follow the vehicle and a few extra dollars to stay quiet about it. “I don’t really understand, but who am I to turn down some extra cash?” The driver quickly caught up the pair sitting at a red light, he kept his distance far enough to not be noticed. “Hey buddy, mind explaining a bit?”  _ God this guy is annoying. _ “That’s the love of my life. On a date with someone else.” The driver shifted his surprised eyes over to Oikawa who was scowling in the back seat. “Cheaters get nowhere. Might as well give up. If she can do it once, then she will do it again. Heck, you are good looking enough, why don’t you find someone else too? She can’t get mad.”  _ What is this guy even saying? Cheating is never okay. Well, now I know that. _ “It’s a long story.” The driver looked slightly puzzled but shrugged off the angry aura that exuded from his passenger. Money couldn't buy sense. 

__________________________

A massive tank came into her sight causing a massive, toothy grin to form on her face. Ushijima rubbed his thumb over her knee as he stole a quick glance. “You have that photo on your desk and you did mention how you haven’t been here yet. Do you like it?” She whipped her head around quickly as if he had asked something so impossibly ridiculous there was no real answer to give. “I have been  _ dying _ to come here. Thank you, thank you, thank you.” She squealed and squirmed in her seat, tightly clutching the necklace around her neck.  _ I didn’t think he would have ever picked up such a small comment. Tooru could never do that even if I said it straightforwardly.  _ She grabbed his hand in her own as she continued to watch the glass grow closer and closer and the smallest of aquatic critters became larger with each passing second. Smoothly pulling into a parking spot, he ran around to her side to open the door. “I’ve already taken care of the tickets and everything, are you ready?” She bobbed her head up and down, taking his outreached hand. The mix of excitement and butterflies caused her stomach to ache but she didn’t pay any mind to it. Hand in hand they walked together, making the occasional stop for a photo or becoming completely lost at the sight of a particular tank. By the time they found a resting place, most of the day had passed by.  _ Even if I keep comparing him to Tooru, Ushijima treats me so much better. _ Pulling out her phone, she smiled at the pictures they had taken earlier while patiently waiting for him to come back from the restroom. When was the last time she felt this good on a date? Had there even been a time other than high school where she didn’t feel like the other person’s attention was elsewhere? If there was, she couldn’t think of it now.

__________________________

Brown eyes shifted leeringly under the black bill of his cap. The stares he received for his odd behavior went unnoticed as he continued to tiptoe around random corners to conceal himself from their sights. When they finally stopped moving so much, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of urgency. If he didn’t interrupt now, where would all of this lead? He desperately clung onto the idea that she was his alone, he could make her happy, just one more chance. “(y/n)!” He grabbed her wrist tightly, bringing her body closer to him. “O-Oi-Oikawa, what are you doing here? And why are you holding onto me so tightly? It hurts, let go.” He couldn’t think of anything more than wanting to possess her.  _ She is mine and mine alone, why shouldn’t I have her?  _ He yanked her towards him once more, pulling her lips onto his.  _ Can’t she see I am desperate enough as it is? (y/n) I need you more than anything please, please understand. Come back to me. _ When he finally pulled away, the color from his face drained and his heart felt like it stopped entirely. She didn’t cry, there was no happiness or anger in her eyes, her face was void of any emotion. She yanked her arm out of grasp and walked calmly around him. He fell to his knees as he heard her call out Ushijima’s name. He balled his fists tightly, drawing blood from the crescent moon shaped indentations from his nails. He stood to face her only to be met with a broad shoulder blocking his view and a strong, firm grip on his shoulder. “Since this is the weekend I can’t do anything, but if this affects you or her job performance, you will be  _ immediately _ fired.” His boss’ growling deep whisper in his ear sent a fearful shiver down his spine. There was nothing more he could do than slowly nod.


	22. Wallows

She trembled in the passenger seat, tugging on the necklace that shackled itself around her quaking skin. The man beside her stood firm outside his vehicle, using the door frame to prop himself up, he stroked her (h/c) locks while pulling her forehead to rest on his chest. She placed a finger on her plump, pink lips remembering the cold harsh feeling of his mouth on hers. Somehow she was able to keep it together until Ushijima sat her down, but now she felt like she was crumbling.  _ Why? All this time to forget what happened and my life was getting back on track. Then here he comes again. It’s like this every time, he selfishly takes control of everything. I don’t want this anymore. I can’t.  _ “Ushijima…” He shushed her, placing his chin on her head and embracing her tightly. “It was him wasn’t it? Why didn’t you say anything when he came to the company?” Her fists tightly found their way around to the back of his shirt, grasping the fabric in frustrated balls. “What could I say? He was also the reason why I left that trip early with Tendou. I feel responsible for everything but I can’t do this anymore. It’s too much.” The news tickled his ears as he wasn’t sure how to respond. Things were awkward but smooth until that godforsaken call in the middle of the kitchen. “I see.” She let go and turned her face upward towards him, searching his eyes for anything that made it seem like telling the truth wasn’t right. “I didn’t want to lie. I am so sorry. This whole thing with him is so confusing and painful. I don’t want you to think I am using you or that I am not interested. This whole day I felt so happy and subconsciously ended up comparing the both of you. Next to you, I feel lighter on my feet and less anxious. Every time I feel insecure I play with this necklace because I remember your words. You helped me from the plane until now and I am selfishly taking more and more from you. I am so sorry for not doing more and not being better. I like you so much and that terrifies me. What if I hurt again? Or what if I hurt you?” The tears that were being held back flowed heavily down her cheeks leaving a salty trail in their path. His brows furrowed a bit shooting a wave of anxiety through her veins.  _ Surely he hates me now.  _ “Say that last part again.”  _ What did I say?  _ “What if I hurt you?” A small chuckle blew from between his lips. “Not that part.”  _ Why is he smiling like that? What did I say?  _ “From the plane...not being better...I li- _ Oh _ .” Her face became hotter than it already was. She could feel the red glow from her embarrassed blush as if it was stinging from her cheeks to her ears. “(y/n). Pardon me.” He tilted her head up with his hand on her chin and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. It felt warm and firm, lingering after he pulled away with a smirk on his face. The familiar scent of faint cigarettes and the recurring feeling of butterflies filled her stomach. Everything in that moment was so magically perfect, the feeling of being clouds wasn’t enough to explain it. “It took you long enough. Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone about today.” She sat there struck with confusion, was it really that simple? The emotions that stormed through her all this time of regret, guilt, and doubt were they really that easy to admit? “But I lied to you. Aren’t you angry with me?” He took a step back from her and grabbed her hand gently in his own. “No, never. You had your reasons. I am sure it was difficult for you to be taken back to him because of something out of your control. You shouldn’t feel guilty about anything. Just lean on me.” The tears that had long dried were back to life. It seemed a bit odd when she thought about it. Sitting in the parking lot of an aquarium crying because of love and for it at the same time.  _ I can’t say this time will be different when I already let myself be swept by the tide without even realizing. _

__________________________

He wasn’t sure how he made it back home nor how he managed to cause such a mess in the barely furnished apartment. Tissues littered the floor, soaking in random pools of darkened liquid. The stench permeated through his skin and lingered even after scrubbing himself roughly. The bottles formed a neat line against the wall near the front door next to massive bags full of everything and nothing. His heart clenched as he remembered taking every material piece of her into his hands, slowly filling the trash. Her photos definitely had to go, but what about that sweater they shared? The notes she wrote from long ago had been soaked and crumpled as they found their new home in the plastic casing. One by one, all of her would be gone. Taken away by the weekly truck that noisily made its way down the street. His head hurt but he could not tell if it was from the excessive drinking or lack of water or both. A firm knock came to the door, his body felt heavy, even if he answered it wouldn’t be who he wanted to see. Not that he had the right anyway. “Ah Hajime.” He hid his puffy reddened eyes behind his damp curls and took a step back to let his friend in. “Damn. You must have really messed up.” Looking around, the place could be worse but that did not mean it was in the best shape either. “You called me a bunch of times then I couldn’t reach you. I am going to assume your phone died and you have a very good reason for me to use the last of my vacation days with a twelve hour notice right?” Oikawa placed his head in his hands as he sat on the edge of the bed.  _ Ah. I seem to have inconvenienced him too. Maybe now is the time to grow up. _ “What if I told you something really stupid?” The salty pools he had been holding back since waking up overflowed as he tried to smile at his friend. There was no hiding his lack of composure once the shaking started. That empty hole that she had felt for so long deep within found its new home in him. It washed over him in a heavy wave as he sobbed into his friend’s shoulder. As he trembled, a hand stroked his back gently while a deep mumble of reassurance rolled into his ears. “You really think everything out of your mouth isn’t stupid enough as it is?” It was a small chuckle between the both of them before it turned into a deeper laugh. “Yeah. I guess you are right.” Oikawa sighed and reached for another tissue from the nearby box. Once he was able to calm down and get everything out that had happened, he felt the guilt settle in. “Iwa, do you think I am too wrapped up in my own world?” It was a rhetorical question but when he shifted his gaze over, he could see the small wrinkles form above his friend’s brows. “Didn’t you just call me by my real name? Are we back to high school?” Oikawa snickered. “But yeah you are. I could see how much (y/n) was hurting even from way back then. She stood next to you proudly but you never did the same for her. I think she was wrapped up in your world too. Not like that gives you any right to cheat idiot. I didn’t realize you did that until she told me and you started being more shady. Neither one of you guys had matching stories about the weekend. But how could I confront either one of you? Be better. If not for (y/n), then the next girl. I don’t want to see anyone like that ever again. I won’t hesitate to do something drastic either.” Oikawa fell back onto the bed, placing his arm over his eyes as the silent stream flowed down his temples. “Yeah. Thanks Hajime.”


End file.
